


Dream On

by Isolus_girl



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M, Post-Episode AU: s02e13 Doomsday, Reunion Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-19
Updated: 2020-12-01
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:00:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 36,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26541826
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isolus_girl/pseuds/Isolus_girl
Summary: Six months after the events of Bad Wolf Bay, Rose starts dreaming she is on the TARDIS again.
Relationships: Tenth Doctor/Rose Tyler
Comments: 46
Kudos: 77
Collections: Doctor Who Classic Tropes Event





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my fic for the DoctorxRose Forever Classic Tropes event. My prompt was 'Reunion'. It's all written so I should be able to post it fairly regularly. 
> 
> Massive thanks to everyone on the discord for general encouragement, support and ideas and of course a huge thanks to my beta [Super_Powerful_Queen_Slayyna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/super_powerful_queen_slayyna/works) for reassurance when I reached the phase where I hated it and general beta-ing help to get it into shape!

Rose was on the TARDIS. She gasped in surprise and spun around on the spot, taking in the winding coral structures, the lights brightening in greeting and the happy hum in the background. Slowly, savouring the feeling of the grating underneath her bare feet, she stepped towards the console and tenderly stroked it as she had laughed at the Doctor for doing so many times. It felt warm under her hands as it always had before.

“I can’t believe I’m back,” Rose whispered to herself in the silence as she fingered the warm TARDIS key she always wore around her neck.

It was as she stroked the console one more time that she noticed she was still wearing her pyjamas. That was when she woke up.

For a second Rose did not remember where she was. As she looked around the huge bedroom dazedly, she remembered; alternate universe, separation, mansion. She felt the familiar pang in her chest as the memory of that day came flooding back. It had been 6 months since she had said goodbye on that beach and the pain of being apart from a little blue box she considered home had not got easier.

Giving up on sleep for a while, Rose sighed, swung her legs out of the bed and padded to the kitchen for a drink. A nice cup of tea might help her settle again. She just couldn’t shake the dream of the TARDIS out of her head. It had felt so real.

Lost in thought as she was, she nearly bumped straight into her Mum standing by the kettle. Her Mum was due to give birth to the baby (her brother or sister she reminded herself) any day now and often found sleeping difficult.

“Bad dreams love?” Jackie questioned as Rose walked in, it was usually the only thing that persuaded Rose to leave her bed.

“Not bad exactly, just vivid I guess,” she expanded as Jackie shot her a questioning look. She really did know her daughter too well, “I dreamt I was back on the TARDIS, it just felt so real. Almost like when the Doctor called us to Bad Wolf Bay, except maybe more real. That was just a voice, this felt like all my senses.”

“Could it be real?” Jackie asked hesitantly as though she was scared of the answer.

“I don’t think so Mum, the Doctor said the last hole had been sealed off. That’s why he couldn’t say- that’s why he disappeared. I would give anything for a way back, and you know that’s been my project at Torchwood, but I think if there was a way he would have found it. It probably just feels vivid because I remember the TARDIS so well.”

“Hmm, maybe.” Jackie looked sceptical and Rose was about to challenge her when Jackie gasped. “My waters have broken.”

It was a week before they would return to the conversation. In that time Rose would gain a little brother (Tony) and she dreamt she was on the TARDIS every night without fail.

\---

She had just got back from a Torchwood mission to rehabilitate a lion-like alien in a zoo. The alien had seemed very content amongst the other lions and promised to keep his head down to remain unnoticed. She found her mum in the snug and quickly joined her. Jackie was alone breastfeeding by the fire; Pete was on a video call to Torchwood. The lack of stress and loneliness made her look several years younger, even with the tiredness that a new-born baby brings.

Jackie looked closely at her daughter and Rose felt (as she had before) that her Mum could see inside to her thoughts.

“It’s happened again, hasn’t it?” Jackie asked softly, concern for her daughter clear in her words.

Rose had curled herself into the corner of the sofa opposite her Mum. She lifted her head up from her arm to reply. She had spent a lot of time during the last week thinking about it, so her response came easily, “Yeah, it has. I dunno mum, I’ve been thinking maybe it is real, like you said, but how and why? As I can’t go back and I can’t see him, it feels like it is just taunting me, making it impossible for me to even try to move on. He said it wasn’t possible.”

“Talk to your Dad love, I’m sure there’s something he can do to help get you answers.” Rose bit her lip at this statement, prompting Jackie to ask, “What is it?”

Rose thought about it for a minute, before voicing the very question that had been plaguing her all week. “What if I’m just going mad? What if I’m so desperate to be back it‘s all I can dream about?”

“After we lost your Dad, I dreamt about him regularly until the day we came here. There’s nothing mad about dreaming for what you have lost. In fact, if it were anyone else I would say that’s all it is, but I’ve spent enough time with the two of you to know that in your world the unlikely is far more likely. He might say it’s impossible, but I’ve seen plenty of impossible things happen and you’ve seen even more. There’s no harm in looking into it anyway.”

Jackie handed Rose a sleeping Tony as she spoke and moved to get more comfortable. Rose shifted Tony in her arms before replying with a strained voice, “I do miss him, I miss him so much it hurts. I still wake up and expect to be in my room on the TARDIS. I am trying to be happy and build a life for myself here; I enjoy working for Torchwood, I love little Tony here and it’s nice to spend time with Dad, but I still feel like a part of me is missing, I just can’t quite move on yet. I’m trying, but how can I try when every night I’m convinced I’m back there?”

Looking at her daughter sadly, Jackie said hesitantly, “I felt like that when our Pete died. I’d wake up and expect him to be there, I threw myself into raising you, but there was still something missing. I had you, so I had to make it work. I know how much you loved the Doctor, it was always you and him. I saw you both on that beach; you looked exactly how I felt when I lost my Pete. I might not like it, but I’ve long since accepted it, besides, it’s hard to hate a man who gives you your world back.”

“How long did it last for? The feeling that is.”

“Until I met Pete again. It never goes away, you just learn to live with it and move past it. I knew he wouldn’t want me to give up and I had to keep going for you. Things got easier, but it was always there.” 

Rose yawned. “Come on, love, off to bed with you. We can talk about this in the morning. Put Tony down on your way up will you?”

Rose thought about arguing, but she had been up early to locate the lion (or Leoria to be exact) and she didn’t feel as well- rested as she would like. She passed Pete on her way up the stairs, but just smiled at him. As she put Tony down, she kissed his head and smiled fondly at him before padding across the hall to her own room, wondering what the night would bring.  
\---  
She was on the TARDIS again. As before, she felt the ship hum in a pleased welcome as she stroked the central console. She didn’t need to look down to know that she was wearing the pyjamas she had gone to sleep in.

“Is this real, girl?” she asked the ship. “Am I really back?” She couldn’t be sure, but she thought she heard a change in the pitch of the hum and the lights definitely flashed. She walked around the console, taking in everything, looking for anything that would give her a clue as to whether it was a dream or not. When she reached the doors she noticed an unfamiliar, red leather jacket slung over the railings, where she used to put her jackets.

She wasn’t sure whether that was a clue as to it being a dream or not. Would she dream somebody else’s clothes on the TARDIS? She wanted the Doctor to be happy and not on his own, but wasn’t sure she wanted to see evidence of the fact. It was easier to convince herself it was a dream, rather than confront the question about feeling replaced, even if she knew deep down it would be her blue leather jacket over that railing in a dream.

Rose had a feeling her time was running out. In her dreams she never stayed long and she had already been on the ship longer than she had before, but she was still disappointed when she woke up, back in her double bed, hearing Tony cry and her Mum take him into the nursery to feed. She lay there for a long time, thinking about what she had seen, trying to decipher her feelings. Eventually, she gave up and turned over to go back to sleep.  
\---

The TARDIS hummed in greeting again the following night, but she was darker than normal. Rose walked around carefully, trying to see what was wrong with her. When she got to the console monitor she noticed it was flashing, as though there was an incoming message.

“What is it girl, what do you want to tell me?” Rose asked whilst stroking the TARDIS monitor.

Suddenly an image appeared on the screen of her Doctor. He started tapping the screen, asking if it was working and for a moment she was reminded so much of Emergency Programme One that it took her breath away.

“Martha, before I change, here is a list of instructions.” The screen Doctor started talking. Martha must be the one who owns the red leather jacket, then. As the screen Doctor continued talking, Rose found she wasn’t as jealous as she thought she might have been. The screen message was proof the Doctor needed help and she wasn’t selfish enough to wish him alone and in trouble. Seeing the clothes had been harder than the confirmation. Her overwhelming feeling was concern for her Doctor, what did he mean ‘when I’m human’?

“And 5, very important, don’t let me eat pears.” Rose laughed at this one, he really hadn’t changed a bit! If he was worried about pears surely it couldn’t be that bad, this mess he was in? It wasn’t like he didn’t find himself in trouble all the time.

“And 23, if anything goes wrong, if they find us, Martha, then you know what to do.” With those final words, the screen Doctor stopped talking and the screen went blank. That worried Rose more than anything else.

“Come on, there has to be more than that!” Rose growled as she bashed the monitor, but she only succeeded in starting the message again. Desperate for more information she started pressing buttons around the monitor, which only managed to make the TARDIS spark, obviously in an effort to get her to stop. Giving up on more information from the console, Rose started to walk around, desperate for information from other sources.

Unfortunately, the TARDIS remained exactly the same, revealing no other information. Rose couldn’t help but hope that was a positive sign. Surely the TARDIS would give some sort of clue if the Doctor was in trouble? Of course, that was all making the massive assumption it was real and not a dream. Feeling frustrated, Rose stroked the TARDIS softly, desperately. “I just want to know he’s alright, girl,” the TARDIS hummed gently and Rose woke up, back in her room in the mansion.

Suddenly desperate for a cup of tea, Rose slipped her slippers on and carefully made her way downstairs, yawning as she waited for the kettle to boil; this time she didn’t meet her mum, which she was almost disappointed about. She still had a nagging sense of worry about ‘the dream’. It was as she reached for the kettle that she noticed a slight burn on her hand, but dismissed it as nothing. It couldn’t possibly be from where the TARDIS had sparked, that was impossible. Even a dream that wasn’t a dream couldn’t mean she was physically on the TARDIS, could it?

Unfortunately that same thought continued to dominate her thoughts for the whole day, until finally, she slipped back into bed again. She was completely unsurprised when she woke up back on the TARDIS, but very surprised to find her still in the same dark state. She watched the video again, although it told her nothing more than last time. It only served to make her more concerned about what was going on with the Doctor. Maybe that made it more likely to be a dream, because there was no logic to what was happening.

Intending to look around the console room for more clues as to what was happening, she stroked the ship as she considered this. All that achieved was tripping over a pair of boots that Martha had obviously left lying next to the console. Rose fell onto one knee and pulled herself up to sit on the captain’s chair in frustration. A dark console room, a mysterious message about being human and a pair of shoes left in a strange place. Hardly a lot to go on, it only served to add to the confusion and make her more worried.

She woke up, disorientated, in her large bed again. Like the previous times, she knew it would be a while before she felt sleepy again, so she rolled over, turned the bedside light on and pulled the covers back. Craving a nice cup of tea she headed to the kitchen. Like the night before, there was no one around to voice her concerns with. Instead, she made her tea and took it into the snug, pausing to select a well-thumbed copy of ‘A Christmas Carol’ from the library. It wasn’t Christmas, but reading it always made her think of happy times. She needed happy memories to fall back on right now.

That was how her Mum found her the next morning, curled up fast asleep on the sofa with the book, next to a half finished, cold mug of tea.

“Dreams again, love?” Jackie asked as she gently shook Rose awake.

“Mmm,” Rose agreed blearily as she woke up. “What time is it, Mum?”

“Early enough that you can afford a cup of tea before you rush around for work.”

Rose relaxed back on the sofa. “That would be amazing, but you’re the one with the new baby, I should be making one for you!” she protested.

“I’m still your mother and you’re exhausted. Sleeping on the sofa is not good for you and you’ve been doing a lot of it recently.”

It might not be sleep, but Rose felt better after half an hour with her Mum and a cup of tea. It was harder to believe the dreams were real in broad daylight. When Pete poked his head round and asked if she wanted a lift into work that morning, she decided she had better get dressed. She had an important meeting at work that morning about frequencies of alien invasions in certain locations so she chose a smart dress. As she was rolling her tights over her left knee she noticed a large bruise.

In the car, she turned to Pete and asked him to run some tests on her. She couldn’t hide from the truth any longer.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Six months after the events of Bad Wolf Bay, Rose starts dreaming she is on the TARDIS again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Posting so quickly because of encouragement from people! Thank you to everyone who left kudos or a lovely comment on the last chapter! 
> 
> Thanks as always to my beta [Super_Powerful_Queen_Slayyna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/super_powerful_queen_slayyna/works)

Rose felt like a lab rat. Blood tests, ECG tests and a physical examination had all come back completely normal. The only thing her doctor felt he could comment on was that her results were maybe too normal, but he wasn’t going to suggest that was a bad thing, or even related to the issue at hand.

The tests, while relatively simple, had taken over a week so far. She was lucky because Torchwood had Doctors on call and there was no worry about waiting for an appointment. She had had a limited amount of waiting to tie in her schedule and the Doctors and also for him to decide what tests to run. The extra time had come because they wanted to conduct the tests at different times, to see if that made a difference. It hadn’t. 

There was no denying even Torchwood was running out of tests to do, but today she was having a brain scan, well several brain scans throughout the week, both of the human and alien variety. It wasn’t the first brain scan she had ever had. Torchwood did a full, detailed medical on any member of staff starting work with them to ensure they had a baseline to work with if something went wrong. The Doctor had alien machines in the infirmary that resembled a brain scan and he was always over cautious if she was ever injured. No, this wasn’t the first brain scan Rose had had. It was, however, the first brain scan she had where she found herself wishing it would show something. They could work with something, get answers from something. Nothing just left her feeling more and more like she was going mad, imagining things, putting significance on things that weren’t important.

As she lay in the MRI tunnel, listening to the clicks and bangs, she couldn’t help but let her mind explore the possibilities. Every night she had been to the TARDIS it had been in the same darkened state. Someone was going in because things were being moved around ever so slightly. Rose supposed it was probably the Martha mentioned on the tape. Her physical injuries made it harder for her to deny what was happening, although she still wasn’t certain what was happening. Now she was reasonably certain it was real, however, it did make her more concerned about what exactly was happening with the Doctor. The only time she had seen the TARDIS in a similar state was in the parallel world, when the Doctor said that she was dead. The TARDIS definitely wasn’t dead this time, but that only made her more confused. It also had implications for her own situation. She had assumed it was something the Doctor was doing, but if he wasn’t even there, then how could it be?

It was incredibly difficult to lie so still, even with the cage over her head. It was a relief when she was allowed to come out of the scanner. The rest of the week followed a very similar pattern, apart from the CT scan, which had to be delayed a day because she was stuck on a field mission. She was told it would take about a week to analyse the results.

Meanwhile, she had been told to keep a sleep diary. How long she spent there, what time she went to sleep. She was told to try and vary as much as possible – the foods she was eating, what time she went to sleep, even where she was sleeping. Rose knew they were getting desperate if they were focussing on such tiny things, but she complied anyway. One thing she had been noticing was that she was starting to stay longer on the TARDIS. Initially it was only 5 minutes, now it was more like 10 – 15 minutes. Unfortunately as nobody could explain what was happening, they couldn’t explain that either.  
Rose was also continuing with work as normal. As a field agent, a lot of her time was understandably spent in the field, a good proportion of her remaining time was spent doing paperwork and the time she had left was dedicated to her special project. Understandably, her special project was on a need to know basis, as it involved using the old travel disks to try and find a way back through to the Doctor. It wasn’t yielding any results yet, but Rose knew better than to quit at the first sign of trouble. She had more than enough to fill her time, but her mind was fixated on the results of the scans.

All Torchwood had found was that she was thinking more than normal. She tried really hard to bite back the sarcastic response that came to her lips and listen as they told her what the next and final test was going to be.

Their latest test was a sleep test, which was how she found herself in an unfamiliar bed with wires coming out of her body and a contraption on her head. She wasn’t sure how she was supposed to sleep when she was trussed up like this, but as this was the last test and she was no closer to any answers, she was prepared to give it a go.

As they dimmed the lights, Rose found herself relaxing, if not yet sleeping. She tried to ignore the fact people were watching her and focussed on her breathing and the music they were playing in the room. Eventually, after a longer period of time than it would normally take, she felt her eyes getting heavy and knew that sleep was near.

Rose found herself in the same place she always started and following the same routine of greeting the ship that she always did. Delight filled her as she noticed the TARDIS was brighter again. She ignored the unfamiliar grey jacket and walked around the console as normal, looking for anything out of place. This time she noticed a very familiar tie on the captain’s chair and found her heart had begun to race. She’d never made it out of the console room, either waking up too soon, or being distracted by things in the console room, but maybe tonight was the time to try.

Brushing her hand along the corridor, as though she was trying to anchor herself to this place, Rose walked past the kitchen, the library and her old room, until she found herself in front of a wooden door with a stylised figure of eight on it. Although she grasped the handle immediately, she paused before opening it, nervous about what she would, or wouldn’t find inside. Bracing herself, she took a deep breath and turned the handle.

The room was dark. Rose let her eyes adjust to the darkness, before stepping forwards towards the huge bed at the end of the room. She took in the suit that had been carelessly thrown over the back of the chair and the converse, still done up, that had been toed off by the bed and she raised her eyes to the bed and the t-shirt clad figure that lay sleeping in it. Her heart clenched painfully and she took a ragged breath as tears began to fall, unnoticed. After all this time, all those attempts to return, he was right there in front of her, her Doctor. She opened her mouth to tell him she was there, to wake him up, to finally speak to him again, when she woke up back in the bed at Torchwood.

The scientists were all looking at Rose like she had grown an extra head. Surreptitiously she wiped away a stray tear. Given they worked for Torchwood and saw strange things all the time, Rose assumed that this was finally the test that gave some answers. A doctor stood forward, an obnoxious man named Owen Harper, he had conducted most of the tests she had been subjected to and there was no denying he knew his job inside out.

“Well?” Rose asked.

“We need to confirm these results, cross check them against control samples, but this might just be the beginning of some answers for you. Go home Miss Tyler and sleep properly. Come back tomorrow morning and I’ll be able to tell you the results definitively.”

Rose bit back the retort that home was an impossibly long distance away and gathered her things. Pete had stayed in case she needed anything so he was able to drive her back to the mansion. The night was uneventful and the dreams were normal, but she was up and dressed before the rest of the house. Mickey was the first person to come into the kitchen and he smiled fondly at her when he saw her.   
“I didn’t expect to see you this morning,” Mickey questioned her.

“You should know by now that you can’t get rid of me,” Rose retorted before replying seriously, “I have to go for the results this morning. Once I woke up they had all the data they needed.” She bit her lip thoughtfully.

“What is it, babe? We dated for years, I know when something is bothering you.”

“It’s just, what do I do? If this doesn’t provide any answers, then they have run every test they can and if it shows something, if it’s real, what then? That’s just more questions.”

“One step at a time, Rose. If they don’t have answers yet I know you will find them, I’ve never known you to be defeated by anything yet. If it is real then we take it a question at a time, just like you would with any other problem. If this was an alien invasion, you would be the first to follow through the stages. This is just an alien you happen to be in love with.”

Rose grinned, “When did you get to be so smart, Mickey?”

“When you ran off and left me, but you already know that. What time are you going in today, do you want me to come with you?”

Rose spent a lot of time being grateful that she and Mickey had managed to find a way to being friends again after the difficulties when she first met the Doctor and disappeared for a year. It helped that Mickey had managed to carve his own place both in this universe and her life, he had become almost unrecognisable from the bloke she had dated. She wondered perhaps if she had ever been more grateful than right now, waiting for the results with him by her side. He was calm and collected in direct contrast to her bundle of nerves, but his reassuring presence allowed her to sit with the appearance of calm and wait. Honestly, she wasn’t entirely sure what result she wanted. The one that led her back where she wanted to be, but she wasn’t even sure that was a possibility.

When Owen Harper came to call her in, Mickey stood up with her and followed her in, something she was relieved by. They sat themselves down at the chairs on the other side of his desk, looking every inch like a normal Doctor’s appointment. Rose closed her eyes for a minute, took a deep breath and channelled Rose Tyler, Defender of Earth, when she opened them again she felt calmer, ready to face it.  
“Well?” she asked with a tone of authority. She was after all, section commander of the field division.

“Well, in some ways the test results are quite clear, although how it is possible is beyond us. The test results showed that you never slept. Your level of brain activity and all your vital signs are consistent with you remaining awake. It was only a purely visual survey that showed you were sleeping. If you look at your heart rate…” Owen continued in a similar vein, showing charts, comparisons with her results while she was awake, ‘asleep’ and a control person. Rose zoned out, the numbers were insignificant. She had an awful lot of questions, but somehow they all faded away and she was left with one.  
“Is this my way back?” she asked, registering that she was interrupting his explanation of her brain activity.

“It’s not in my power to give definitive answers to that question, we just don’t have enough information yet. However, from the data I have, it is safe to assume that in some form at least, your body and mind are returning while you were technically awake.”

Rose was stunned. Her night time wanderings were real. 

“Going forwards, I would like you to continue to keep records of how long you are in this other place for each night and I would also like to do a physical examination once a week to make sure this isn’t having an adverse effect on your health. If anything significant changes, I need to know immediately.”

Rose still felt she came out with more questions than answers as she had feared, but the answers, and ironically the dreams themselves, were enough to give her hope, hope that she hardly dared to have before.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks as always to my beta [Super_Powerful_Queen_Slayyna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/super_powerful_queen_slayyna/works)
> 
> Also a massive thanks to everyone who has commented or left kudos - it's really encouraging!

Chapter 3

Mickey blew out a long breath when they walked out of the room. “I think you got your answers, the question now is, what does it mean?”

“I think it means the Doctor was wrong, it’s not impossible to get back.”

“As if you were ever going to take no for an answer anyway.”

Rose laughed, feeling lighter than she had in weeks, since the dreams had started, maybe even longer. She didn’t know if she would ever be able to go all the way across, but it felt like the biggest lead she’d had in weeks. The dimension cannon was producing no results anyway, although she wasn’t ready to give up on that project yet. She knew she could see the Doctor, now she needed to find out if she could talk to him, if she could touch him. Maybe together they could work out how to pull her all the way across.

Mickey stopped suddenly “Rose, this is great news, really it is, but you do know that now you need to prepare Jackie for the fact you might just disappear one day and never come back? Knowing you have dreams is very different to knowing this could be your path back. I do not want to face another murder investigation.”

Rose started to laugh, but stopped when she saw the look on Mickey’s face. “Mickey, you do know I’m sorry about that?”

“Yeah, I know, it’s just it was really hard for Jackie, even harder than it was for me, now that she thinks she’s got you back and safe. She needs time to adjust to the idea, even if it doesn’t happen, she needs to know, she deserves to know.”

Mickey looked solemn and for the first time in months, Rose really looked at him. Somewhere along the mad journey they had been on, he had grown up. Rose had realised that after they faced the Cybermen of course, but this was different. This was Mickey protecting his family, making tough emotional decisions. This was Mickey thinking about the long term.

Swallowing back the lump in her throat, Rose replied, “I’ll tell her, Mickey. She knows about the dreams, but I’ll tell her what they mean. Let her have one more evening though, I’ll tell her in the morning. She’ll be fine, I know she will because she has you. It’s not like before, she has a whole family now: Pete, Tony and you. She’ll miss me, but she doesn’t need me.”

“She’ll always need you, Rose, you’re her daughter, but you’re right. She’s not lonely anymore and that will help her. Come on, if Jackie is going to have one last evening of blissful ignorance, we’d better not be late!”

It was a really special evening, their first uneventful one since they had come to this universe. Rose relaxed for the first time in months. Tony slept through until late, which allowed them to have an uninterrupted family dinner. They laughed at past adventures and told stories from their current Torchwood missions. Jackie looked happier than Rose had ever seen her. Being surrounded by the family she had always wanted. In many ways, this was the embodiment of Jackie’s dream come true. Rose watched as Tony began to stir on the baby monitor and Pete encouraged Jackie to stay and went and sorted his son out. She watched, later, as a slightly tipsy Mickey pulled Jackie in for a hug and told her how special she was. She continued to watch as Tony was brought down and gurgled contentedly in Jackie’s arms. Despite her bold words earlier, she hadn’t been sure until this moment that they were going to be okay. 

As she padded up the stairs to bed with everyone else, she couldn’t help but wonder if tonight would be the night she managed to see the Doctor and put in place her own happy ending. When she lay down in bed she thought back to that fateful day at Henriks. How she was slightly hung over after a night on the town with Shareen and Keisha, how she was on shift with Maddy, which basically meant doing her work while she flirted with the customers, how she resented being the one to stay behind with the money and how much her life had changed with that one decision to go down there, to investigate the noise, with that one word. She heard it again as she slipped off to sleep, that northern accent saying “Run!”

For the first night since she had started dreaming, she woke up to find that she had had a normal dream about one of their past adventures. She hadn’t been on the TARDIS at all and she certainly didn’t feel like her dream was actually real. Then she felt the panic. As much as she had been scared of the unknown, having that lifeline ripped away from her felt devastating. For a good half an hour she lay on her bed feeling broken, questioning everything, but she wasn’t Rose Tyler, 19 year old shop girl any more, she was Rose Tyler, Defender of the Earth and highly valued Torchwood agent. She allowed herself to have her moment of grief, but even through that, her brain was whirring, trying to think of an explanation for why. When her half an hour was up, she pulled herself together and got in the shower. It must have been the wine she had at dinner, she didn’t drink often because of her job so it must have put her in too deep a sleep, or blocked a process in her brain or something.

Thankful that she wasn’t at work because of Tony’s christening, she took her time pulling herself together. In normal circumstances, her Mum would be yelling through the door for her to hurry up and come and help, but now of course they could just pay for a caterer. It meant that by the time Rose came downstairs she looked calm, composed and every bit the Tyler heiress they had told the world she was.

When she came downstairs she took her Mum into the snug and sat down. She hadn’t even had a chance to speak yet when her Mum said,“You’ve found a way back haven’t you?”

“How did you-?”

“I’m your Mum, I notice things, it’s my job. I assume you’re going back?”

“I have to Mum, you know I do. This time with you and Dad and Mickey and Tony has been amazing and a gift, but this isn’t my world and this isn’t my life. You understand, don’t you?”

“Of course love, I’m not exactly happy about losing you, but I know you haven’t felt quite right here. I’ve watched you mourn for that man every day. I know how much you miss him. Sometimes being your Mum means making the hard decision to let you go and it is so hard. I won’t try to stop you though, it’s never worked before. Are you completely sure though? How are you getting back?”

“It’s the dreams, you were right Mum. The tests came through and it turns out that I’m not really dreaming, I’m sort of awake in the TARDIS. I don’t know how it works, I can’t even be certain it will work, but Doctor Harper seems to think it could be my way back. I’m hoping to see the Doctor soon. He’ll have the answers for me. I know he will.”

Her Mum leant across and hugged her daughter tightly, which made Rose smile.

When her Mum spoke again it was muffled through a hug, “Promise me that if you can come back and see us, or speak to us at all, that you will.”

“Of course I will Mum, just because I’m making this choice, doesn’t mean I’m not going to miss you. I don’t think I’m going straight away anyway, but I should have some proper answers soon.”

“You’ve grown up so much, Rose, you’re not my little girl anymore. I can’t keep you forever, but I am so proud of who you have become. My Rose, saving planets and people. I know he loves you and I know he’ll look after you, or at least I know it most of the time. I’m just sad that I won’t get to see you continue to grow.”

“I’ll always be your little girl Mum. I promise.”

When they had finished their chat, both of them retreated back upstairs to redo their make-up. Tears were not conducive to good make up and both of them had indulged in a little cry. Rose was relieved it had gone well with her Mum, but she also knew that the forced separation between her and the Doctor had shown her Mum how much they loved each other. Nobody on the beach that day could deny it. Knowing someone loved your little girl that much helped to sway any doubts. The amount of times he had sent Rose back to Jackie also helped to persuade her.

It was a beautiful sunny day and Rose was proud to be there with her family. She meant what she had said earlier, this time was a gift, even if she was only just starting to see it as such. She had watched her father die all those years ago and now she got to watch him start a family, have a fresh start. It was unconventional to the extreme, but both of them had finally got their happy ending. Even Mickey looked happier, as though he had found his place in life. It wasn’t just being with his Gran again, he had her family who saw him as one of their own, he had his best friend Jake and he had a purpose to his life. Rose supposed that’s what had made the difference to all of them. In individual ways, he had given all of them a purpose.

Rose avoided the wine and any form of alcohol and headed up to bed at a reasonable hour. She was determined that tonight was the night she would see the Doctor again. She settled comfortably into bed and drifted off.

She had a lovely dream about family and spending time together, but no TARDIS.

\---

A month later and Rose was beginning to despair. She had not returned to the TARDIS once and her rational brain had exhausted all the possible explanations she could think of. Her family were beginning to worry about her, but she couldn’t bring herself to focus on anything other than what she felt she had lost. She might have been distracted in the field, but she was still able to do her job, the paperwork however was piling up to the point it was nearly as tall as she was. Rose didn’t care, nothing mattered if the Doctor wasn’t here, if she couldn’t return.

Two months later and she realised she had been dreaming normally again longer than she had been dreaming she was on the TARDIS. If it wasn’t for the test results Torchwood had on file she would have started to think she had imagined the whole thing. She looked at the results daily to convince herself she wasn’t going mad. The dimension cannon still wasn’t working and with no dreams Rose began to question if she would ever find a way back. If her Dad wasn’t the director of Torchwood she definitely would have been facing disciplinary action for the lack of paperwork she had completed, but she just couldn’t bring herself to care. The whole point of Torchwood had been to find a way back. There didn’t seem any point now there was no way back.

Six months later and Rose knew her family were desperately worried about her. They tried to intervene, but she paid them no attention. She knew she had returned to her behaviour after Bad Wolf Bay. It was just that she couldn’t seem to care. The dreams had provided hope, at the very least of talking to the Doctor again, possibly even returning to him. Without hope, her grieving process was back at the beginning. She just couldn’t see the point of existing within this world- she wasn’t suicidal, just pining for something that apparently could never be. For the first time she was reconciling herself to the fact that she was going to be stuck here and she didn’t like it one bit. She had always had hope in some form before. First the Doctor’s voice, then her work at Torchwood (which had ground to a halt) and then the dreams.

Little Tony was the only person who seemed able to make Rose smile these days. He would pull himself up to standing and flash people a gummy smile. His favourite word was ‘Rose’ and he adored his sister as much as she adored him. He loved her telling him stories of aliens and blue boxes and would often crawl into her lap and sit patiently for a story, which she was only too happy to indulge him with. She often felt he would listen to anything she said, as long as it involved sitting with her, but he did seem to enjoy hearing about the Slitheen, he always giggled through that, but her favourites were the calmer ones. Happy times on alien worlds. Picnics on apple grass and strolling underneath frozen waves. Of course she had and still loved the adrenaline side of their lives, but she found she missed the quiet moments the most. She missed him the most.

One night after a case went badly at work, Rose and her team hit the bar to commiserate. They had succeeded in stopping the alien in the end, but not before several false leads and innocents getting hurt. Sometimes, Rose knew just how the Doctor had felt. She had berated him for taking deaths personally, now she was doing the same. If only she had recognised it sooner. ‘If only’ was no good though, she was going round in circles with that train of thought.

The evening quickly devolved into games and before she knew what was happening, they were at Jake’s playing ‘never have I ever’ with a bottle of tequila, he had been saving. Rose was more than happy to hit the drink hard, she felt she had enough sorrows to drown.

“Never have I ever killed an alien with vinegar!” Jake declared, smiling smugly as Mickey and Rose clinked their glasses together and took a drink.

“Never have I ever left my boyfriend in an alleyway to run off with a stranger,” Mickey countered, Rose smirked and took another drink. She was aware that Mickey and Jake were teaming up on her, but she didn’t care, she needed to let her hair down.

“Never have I ever used a fire extinguisher as a weapon- oh shit I’ve done that one, hang on, never have I ever driven a car through a glass door.” To her immense surprise, both Mickey and Jake drank that time. Rose and Mickey looked at Jake questioningly.

“I was in the Preachers,” he shrugged as though that explained everything.

A few rounds later and even Jake was ready to admit defeat. The problem with the three of them playing together was that they had done so much together. Rose had done most things with the Doctor if not with them, which absolutely left her being the winner, or the loser depending on which way you viewed it.

Rose stood up to leave “Thanks guys, I needed this. Be seeing you,” she said, or rather, slurred.

Mickey and Jake shared a smug look that Rose was too drunk to notice. Tonight was the first night they had seen her smile since she had stopped dreaming. It might have taken a lot of tequila, but step one of their intervention plan was working.

“Come on Rose, I’ll take you home,” Mickey announced, only slightly the worse for wear.

Once they were outside, Rose turned to Mickey, “What am I going to do? How can I live without him, Mickey? My whole life and I’ll never see him again. How am I supposed to cope with that, to continue knowing that?”

Mickey had been waiting for this conversation for a long time. He should have known it would be while she was drunk.

“You keep going, Rose, he wouldn’t want you to waste your life. He made that very clear.”

“I miss him,” was all Rose had to say in reply. Rose went silent then, and Mickey thought she had moved onto other thoughts in her head. They walked together in companionable silence for a while until Rose said, remarkably clearly, “I know I need to move on, I’m not being fair to all of you or to him. I just don’t know how. I can’t bring myself to accept the fact I’m never going to see him again. If I accept it, it’s like I’m giving up on him. How can I give up on him? I’ve never given up on him before.”

Mickey was silent this time and Rose thought he hadn’t heard her, or wasn’t sure what to say. Eventually though he replied thoughtfully, “Don’t. You don’t have to give up on him, but you can move on for him. Carry on working on the dimension cannon and any and all ridiculous ideas that come into your head, but live your life as well. Don’t be like Sarah Jane and spend the best part of your life waiting for him. Give him someone to come back for, not a shell of the person he knew.”

Mickey’s words made an odd sort of sense and Rose felt she needed time to think them over.

\---

When Rose woke up the next morning, she felt like a different person. Part of that was the enormous hangover of course, but emotionally she felt different. She knew it was time to start moving on. Mickey had been right, she needed to make sure that if the Doctor did ever find a way back to her, there was something there for him. That the Rose he knew and loved was still there. More than that even, she owed it to her family, who had put up with such a lot. She wasn’t quite ready to face her new found realisation yet though, as her head was pounding and she thought she might be sick. Oh, for one of Jack’s magic hangover drinks! As she carefully turned over in bed, she realised that someone, probably Mickey, had placed a bucket next to her bed. Weakly she smiled at how thoughtful he had been.

The next thing Rose knew Jackie was knocking at the door with a cup of tea and some aspirin. She must have fallen asleep again.

“Mickey mentioned you might need some help getting up this morning. Big night last night?”

“Yeah, thanks Mum.” Rose reached out for the tea and beckoned for her Mum to sit down. She did feel slightly better after her latest chunk of sleep and was grateful for the fluids. “I’ve not been fair to you. I’m sorry Mum, I’m going to start making a life here Mum, I promise.”

“You’re supposed to be all maudlin when you’re drunk, not hungover!” Jackie quipped, but Rose could tell what she had said meant a lot. “Do you want to see Tony? He’s sat in his room demanding for his ‘Rose’, honestly, even you weren’t this demanding at his age.”

“In a bit Mum, I don’t think I can cope with his energy right now. I’ll read his bedtime story to make up for it.”

“That boy’s going to miss you when you’re gone, you know.”

“I’m not going anywhere Mum, the dreams have stopped and the Doctor can’t get through, it’s impossible, he said.”

“Think what you will, I don’t think that man ever knew the meaning of the word impossible. ‘Sides, anybody who saw the way he looked at you on that beach…” Jackie trailed off and Rose was grateful. The memories of that day were painful enough when she didn’t have a hangover.

“Anyone would think you want me to go back,” Rose said half-heartedly.

“I want what is best for you, like any mother, I know you’re happiest with him. If I didn’t already know it the past few months have shown me that. It’s not as though you’re any safer here now that you work for Torchwood! Chasing aliens all day, life isn’t really all that different for you.”

\---

As she promised, Rose told Tony a bedtime story that night. The story was about a young blonde girl working in a shop and bored with life; her mother who had never truly gotten over the death of her husband and clung too tightly to her daughter, and a mechanic boyfriend who thought he was content with life. It was a self-indulgent story and most of it went over his head, but Tony was happy as long as the aliens made a regular appearance.

“So the man asked the girl if she wanted to travel with him in the blue box,” Rose finished off.

“ARDIS,” Tony gurgled happily. Her Mum had not been happy when that had been one of Tony’s first words!

“TARDIS,” Rose agreed and kissed his forehead. “Good night Tony, sleep well, don’t let the nanogenes bite.” Rose left the room to let her Mum come in and put him to bed properly. She decided she would settle early with a book, she needed an early night after her late night last night. Kissing her mum goodnight as she passed, she paused only to go to the library to choose a book to read, settling on ‘Rebecca’ because it didn’t have any monsters in it.

As she had promised herself, she had a peaceful evening reading her book and settled down to sleep early. A hangover always took it out of her, especially one as monumental as the one she had woken up with. She would sleep and then make good on her resolution to stop giving up tomorrow. The thought crept in unbidden that the Doctor would be proud of her for taking control of her life again. She smiled slightly and drifted off into sleep


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is for all the people who left lovely comments - last week was a difficult week at times in real life and your comments really helped! 
> 
> Thanks to my beta [Super_Powerful_Queen_Slayyna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/super_powerful_queen_slayyna/works) this whole thing wouldn't look nearly as good without her!

Rose had never been one to wait once she had made a decision. At 13, when she was on a school trip in France and she and Shareen had decided to go to Parc Asterix, they had done it the very same day, escaping from the teachers who were supposed to be taking them to the Louvre. It, therefore, shouldn’t have been surprising that she was up and ready for work early the next day, but somehow it was. After the last 6 months of doing the bare minimum to get through the day, Mickey, Jake, Pete and Jackie were all surprised when Rose was the first one into work.

When they went on a field mission later that day, investigating mysterious disappearances that turned out to be a prank from a teenage alien, Rose spent 5 minutes reading them the riot act. Mickey and Jake silently hi-fived each other behind her back. Rose was back and they couldn’t be more pleased.

Work became everything again for Rose; late nights and early mornings became the norm. Pete was astounded when she handed in all of her backlog of paperwork, just one week after throwing herself back into things. Jackie was pleased to see Rose coming home satisfied at the end of each day, so didn’t comment on how exhausted she looked. Despite it not being part of her remit, she even cleared a few languages out of the translation backlog.

Mickey and Jake found they couldn’t keep up with her. The field missions were one thing, but the extra work she was putting in on top were too much. They began to take it in shifts to work alongside her. Her extra time was primarily being channelled into her dimension cannon project and whilst they made significant strides forwards in the theory, the reality was not working quite as planned. This didn’t deter Rose, however, in fact quite the opposite, it seemed to push her forwards. There was no denying she had found her motivation where work was concerned.

About a month after Tony’s christening, she received instructions to go and see Pete in his office. It was very rare he spoke to her formally in his capacity as Director, preferring not to try and mix personal and professional lives, which left her intrigued as to what he wanted.

His office was on the top floor of Torchwood Towers, it was a glass walled room, with pot plants in the corner to make it feel more homely. The only wall that was not made of glass was lined with tall filing cabinets that made Rose shudder at the thought of all the paperwork. She was touched to see a photo of her on his huge mahogany desk, amongst those of the rest of the family. It had been a long time since she had stopped seeing him as an alternative, and just seen him as her Dad, but it was nice to see physical proof that he felt the same way.

The desk was in the centre of the room and Pete sat comfortably behind it. He looked at ease and relaxed, which reassured Rose that it was nothing serious he had wanted to see her about. She knew she was good and there was no denying she was putting the hours in now, but a formal summons always made her question herself, especially in light of how Pete protected her as she fell apart recently.

Pete smiled reassuringly and gestured to encourage her to sit down. She obliged him, but still wasn’t sure what he wanted. Pete began by clearing his throat nervously.

“I wanted to say, I’m really pleased you’ve found your focus at work again, love. The department works so smoothly when you’re at top form. We couldn’t ask for a better section commander, which is why when you were going through a rough patch, we didn’t replace you.”

“Well, good, I guess? Dad, I’ve got things to do, if this is all you wanted me for?”

“Look love, you’re burning the candle at both ends. You’re working and sleeping, there is no middle ground. You need to find a balance. I don’t want you to come into work tomorrow, I want you to find something to do that isn’t work. We’re really glad to have you back, but we don’t want you to burn yourself out.”

“Did Mum put you up to this?”

“Maybe a little, but my point still stands. We want you at your best. You’ve worked so hard the past month there can’t be that much more to do.”

“And if something happens and you need me on the field?”

“If Mickey and Jake can’t cope, we’ll page you, like always. You know Mickey and Jake are good though.”

Rose was not convinced, but reluctantly agreed. She wasn’t given much of a choice. What was she going to do with a day off though? The only day off she had taken since being here had been for family events, like Tony’s christening. Travelling with the Doctor, a day off had been a destination where they didn’t have to run for their lives, but she was stuck here so all destinations were the same. Before the Doctor, a day off had been spent shopping with Shareen and Keisha, or spending time with Mickey. She didn’t have Shareen and Keisha anymore though.

That was when it hit her; she still hadn’t moved on and embraced life. She was throwing herself into work as a distraction. She still didn’t have a life here – friends and hobbies. Pete was right, she needed to work on that if she was going to stay here. Rose was rational enough to realise that currently the Dimension Cannon was her best way of making it back and she was still potentially looking at years with that, even if it did work. It was a painful admission, she hadn’t realised she was still holding back.

Thinking about what to do with a day off was still proving problematic. She liked travelling, but she couldn’t do that in a day, shopping didn’t hold the same attraction it once had, not once you had shopped on alien worlds, or once you realised that your clothes were only going to get destroyed by your job anyway. Going to a café or bookshop would be nice, but that would far from fill the day. In the end she decided to look at the map and see if anywhere inspired her.

She did find a nice looking National Trust property, but found she was disappointed that the grounds weren’t bigger. Taking that as inspiration she looked for green spaces. Something more than a park. When she scrolled the map out to be smaller, there were a few potential places outside of London. There were two contenders, but Chiltern Hills was described as having hiking trails, not just walking and that sounded more interesting.

It was about an hour from the mansion and almost entirely on main roads, so Rose felt it was very easily do-able in a day if she borrowed Pete’s car. It was also a distance she felt comfortable being away from Torchwood. She knew logically that Mickey and Jake would be fine, she worked well with them for a reason, but she wasn’t used to being out of the action. It was an idea that felt weird to her, she wasn’t sure she wanted to get used to it.

When she arrived, Rose was struck by the beauty of the place. It might only be an hour away from London, but she felt as though she were much further away. The different shades of green, stretching as far as the eye could see, the hills reaching towards the sky, the trees, standing protectively over their land and the big bushes marking the distance. It was as beautiful and varied as any alien world and Rose was surprised she had never thought to do this before.

Setting off on her trail, following the route on her map, Rose initially spent so much time looking at her surroundings that she completely missed the turn off for her trail. She thought back to her explorations of alien planets and decided to continue off the trial. As long as she kept an eye on the map, she would be able to find her way back.

The first thing she did was to climb the hill she was supposed to skirt around, eager to see the view from the top. It was steep, but running for her life was still a regular part of her job and her fitness was more than up to the task, in fact she relished the burn in her legs. A reminder that she could push herself, that her body always had more to give, a feeling of satisfaction and achievement.

As she got closer to the top, she spent more time distracted by the view. It was a clear day and she felt like she could see across the lush green fields, all the way to the dense city of London. She could see the wispy clouds forming overhead and felt like she was climbing into the sky. The top was flatter than she expected, but she stood on the edge and stared out over her surroundings, taking it all in. Somehow being up here felt freer than she had since she was travelling. Weirdly, she also felt closer to the Doctor than she had done in months. Not in a returning way, just in an emotional connection.

Sinking to the grass, she allowed herself to think back to that day in a sterile white room. The lever that had changed her life, sent it spinning off- kilter. She thought about the whoops of joy they had both given off when it started to work and the Daleks and Cybermen got pulled through, the sinking feeling when she saw the level disengage and knew what she would have to do, followed by the desperate hope that she would be able to hold on, the sheer terror at being pulled into the void, into hell. For a while she almost wished she had been pulled into the void. It didn’t feel like being saved, the pain in her heart at knowing there was such an impossible distance between the one she wanted to be with more than anything. That one fleeting moment when she thought she could feel him through the wall, where it almost felt that if only she could get close enough she could connect to him, be pulled back through. She thought about the hours, days afterwards where she felt dead inside, where she didn’t speak because she had nothing to say. Rose thought about all of these things at the top of the hill and let the tears fall, unchecked. Then, when she had cried all she had to cry, she took a deep breath. As she let it go, she also let go of the lingering pain and heartbreak from that day. Finally, over a year after she said goodbye, she felt she was ready to leave it all at the top of this hill.

As she made her way back down the hill, she reflected on the fact that she felt lighter, freer. She had started the journey to moving on a month or so ago, but today she felt like she had taken an important step in the journey towards that. She had already accepted it, now she was ready to embrace it.

The next few months went pretty fast as Rose established a routine. Her days were still filled primarily with work and she was still devoting time to her project. On her days off she would often go hiking somewhere, sometimes strapping Tony to her back and taking him with her, sometimes going alone. On one memorable occasion, she even went camping for a night. Mickey and Jake were interested in going with her, but they couldn’t get 2 days together where they could all be spared from Torchwood, not without booking their leave much further in advance.

Meanwhile the Dimension cannon project seemed to have ground to a halt. The theory and the science was flawless. They had been checked time and time again by the best people currently working for Torchwood. It should work, but it just didn’t. Rose could only assume that the Doctor was right, he really had sealed things off properly. She should be pleased about that because it secured the safety of this universe, which was where most of the people she loved now lived, but she couldn’t help but wish that he had left just a tiny gap for her to get back through. She was determined to keep trying, aware that she was clutching at straws and she continued to tweak bits of the project, doing endless research into the science behind it just in case they had missed something. She might be ready to move on and build a life, not waste it pining, she had even taken great strides to doing so, but she wasn’t ready to give up yet either.

Before she knew it a year had passed since she had last had a dream. She wasn’t actively waiting for another dream anymore, or even noting the passing of time, a year was significant enough though that she noticed. So did Mickey and Jake, which was why she was eager to get away, to avoid the questions and the looks. They meant well, but she didn’t want to deal with it.

Rose decided to take her second solo camping trip, she had already chosen the South Downs National Park and time off wasn’t an issue. She had done so much overtime, work was happy to give her any day off, so long as she remained on call and didn’t leave in the middle of a project.

Her trail had taken her longer than expected that day because she had left the beaten track twice, once to look at something interesting and the other to climb a hill, her love of standing on a high hill, surveying her surroundings had never left her. She had chosen that spot to picnic in for that reason. It was getting dark when she arrived back, so she had a quick shower and curled up in a chair outside her tent to watch the stars. Watching the stars made her feel closer to the Doctor and she loved how much clearer they were outside of London. She wondered offhand if any of those stars were parallel places she had visited. Eventually, unfortunately, the cold pushed her inside her tent. She tried to read a book, but found she was just too tired. Her eyes drifted closed as she pictured another set of stars she had once looked at.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise I'm not going to make you wait much longer for the scene you're all waiting for!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always big thanks to [Super_powerful_queen_slayyna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/super_powerful_queen_slayyna/works) for betaing for me. 
> 
> The bit you've been waiting for! I hope it doesn't disappoint!

She was back on the TARDIS, back in the control room with its gentle glow and hum, the coral struts curling around her, like an old friend reaching out to greet her. For a moment Rose just stared in disbelief around her. She felt, rather than heard the familiar hum of greeting, before she laughed in sheer joy and as before ran to the console to greet the TARDIS. In other circumstances she would have felt ridiculous, stroking a piece of machinery, but the TARDIS was so much more than that. The TARDIS was safety, belonging and home. The TARDIS was a friend. Determined, but still excited, Rose set off through the TARDIS in search of the one person she wanted to see more than anyone else. The long corridors, instead of feeling like a barrier, felt like a road leading her to where she needed to be. She wasn’t sure why, but she felt she knew where the Doctor was. Her hunch paid off as she reached the library and saw a very familiar figure slumped dejectedly on the sofa with a book in one hand and a glass of untouched whisky in another. For a moment she could do nothing but stare, she had finally given up hope and here he was in front of her. She could hardly believe it.

This time she didn’t have to summon up the courage to speak, the words left her before she had even had time to think about it. Words she had been waiting to speak for far too long.

“Doctor,” she breathed, feeling her voice break between the two syllables. Although he looked far away, he was obviously more alert than he looked because his head snapped up to look directly at her. His jaw dropped. He screwed his eyes shut and shook his head. When he opened them again he looked at his whisky suspiciously.

“R-Rose?” he asked, disbelievingly before clumsily scrambling to his feet. For what felt like an eternity and only a few seconds at the same time they both stared at each other before simultaneously running the short distance into each other’s arms. Neither one of them seemed willing to move out of the embrace, almost as though the only thing keeping them together was the way they desperately clung to each other. Rose rested her cheek on the Doctor’s shoulder and the Doctor held her just a little bit tighter. She relished the feel of his suit under her hands, the feel of him back in her arms. Her arms felt just right, full of Doctor. They had always fit together like they were made for each other and this hug was even more right than any other. Breathing in deeply, she couldn’t get enough of the smell of him, she never thought she would smell it again. It felt natural to close her eyes, but she couldn’t bear not to look at him after all this time.

Eventually, awareness of passing time seeped into Rose’s brain and she knew she had to explain things to the Doctor before she disappeared on him. As she stepped back she realised her shoulder was damp and she noticed a similar damp patch on the Doctor’s shoulder, but he appeared not to notice, let alone care.

“Am I dreaming, Rose? Please don’t let this be a dream,” The Doctor almost begged her. Her heart ached at the longing in his eyes.

“It’s not a dream. Not for you anyway.”

She gave an awkward laugh. Both of them had replaced their desperate hug with a desperate clinging of the hands, hands that fit together just as well as they always had. It was like holding each other’s hands kept them grounded, together. They just couldn’t bear to be apart. Rose in particular felt like that hand was the only thing holding her in place.

“I don’t know how long I’ve got to explain, Doctor, and I don’t want to upset you, but I do need to tell you, you need to know, I’m going to disappear soon, literally disappear. I’m not sure quite how soon. I’ll be back though, probably in about 12 hours.”

“You do realise, Rose, that you’re not making the slightest bit of sense? Does that mean I’m imagining you, or dreaming you? I don’t think I’m going mad, although Rassilon knows I have cause for madness. It would explain why you’re in your pyjamas.” The Doctor sounded so puzzled and dismayed Rose rushed to put him out of his misery.

“Please, just let me finish, although I’m not sure it will make more sense even then. You’re not imagining me, but I am asleep, or at least I am in the loosest sense. This is really hard to explain.” She sighed, took a deep breath to gather her thoughts and tried again. “I’m still in my room in the other universe. I’m sleeping, but not. Sleep studies have shown that I’m actually awake. I am physically here, the most obvious sign is if I hurt myself here I still have a bruise or a mark on my body when I wake, but as I say, sleep studies back up the fact that neither of us are going mad. I haven’t been here for a year, but before then I was here every night. I got as far as seeing you in your room and I woke up before I could talk to you.”

The Doctor looked incredibly thoughtful. “I’m not wasting a moment of our time together if you’re going to leave me again so soon, but I will look into this. Sit with me, I still can’t believe you’re here!”

Clumsily, because neither of them were willing to let go of the other’s hands, even for a second, the two of them sat together on the sofa. After all that had happened, most of her worries or concerns just melted away in this moment. They were together. She was sitting on the sofa, with the Doctor. It was not relaxing though; when she looked at him all she could think about was that beach. What was he going to say? What about what she had said, surely that changed everything. The result was her sitting slightly tensed up, close but not quite touching, their hands clasped tightly together. 

The Doctor looked unusually tired, but Rose decided not to ask him about it, they both just needed to simply be together, to find their balance again. Time for sharing would come later.

“I missed you,” Rose murmured softly, “I missed you so much.”

“I never stopped searching,” the Doctor replied, just as softly. To talk too loud felt like it would break the spell.

“I never stopped trying to get back. I never stopped thinking about you.”

“That’s my girl,” the Doctor sounded proud of her. “Are you happy though? Explanations and catching up can wait, but I need to know, are you happy? You didn’t waste your time did you?”

“I was as happy as I could be. I have a fulfilling job that I’m good at, I have a little brother who I adore, a father I thought I’d never have, the best friends a person could ask for and of course I’ve had all this time with my Mum. I made the best of it. I am making the best of it. I can’t say I always get it right, but I’m trying to see it as a gift of extra time, like Dad said in that Church.”

They were silent for a moment as both were lost in their own thoughts.

“Were you happy, Doctor? I know you weren’t alone, but were you happy?”

“How did you? Never mind – you can tell me later. I spent a long time missing you. A long time searching for you. I felt more alone than I ever had. After Gallifrey, you made me better. You gave me something worth living for. When I lost you…” he trailed off as his voice broke with the emotion. Rose gently stroked his arm, reassuring him of her presence. 

“It was hard. I found a way through it though. I learnt to enjoy things again. It wasn’t quite the same, not without you, but it was good. Saved the world half a dozen times, you know how it is,” he lightened his tone and Rose responded in turn.

“Oh yeah, same.” He hugged her hard.

“My Rose Tyler, defender of the earth!”

They sat there like that for a long time, although Rose wasn’t certain either of them knew quite how long for. Both of them were just content to be together. Occasionally one of them would say something, but both of them just relished the time they had, still in a state of disbelief at being together again. The gentle hum of the TARDIS was soothing and were she not scared at losing him, Rose could easily have fallen asleep.

Eventually though all good things have to end and Rose woke up back in her sleeping bag. She was still elated to have actually seen him, touched him, spoken to him, but she couldn’t help but shed a tear at another goodbye.

\---

Sadly, seeing the Doctor again meant coming home early for another meeting with Doctor Owen Harper. Seeing, touching and speaking to a real person, not to mention returning to the TARDIS after a year of nothing, definitely counted as a big change as far as he was concerned and he wanted to run more tests. Fortunately for Rose, he was only allowed a half day to run tests as she was needed on the field. An alien that sounded an awful lot like a Hoix had been spotted in East London and her team were needed. Unfortunately for Rose, that meant Owen spent the entire time grumbling about not being valued and his work being important. She placated him by promising him a nice alien body (alive if all went to plan) to examine when she returned.

Rose threw herself into field work, knowing she would be back with the Doctor again tonight made it all the more exciting; she felt slightly nervous because she still couldn’t decide how he felt about her declaration at the beach, but he wasn’t obviously put off by it. She quickly identified the snarling alien as a Hoix, a memory which delighted her all the more. She laughed as the red bucket, blue bucket scenario unintentionally repeated itself again with Mickey, hearing him yell “You said blue!” made her double over and for a minute she couldn’t speak. The Hoix running towards her soon sorted that out, but it didn’t stop her grinning as she yelled back “I said not blue!”

As they escorted their Hoix friend Max (Mickey had named him) back to Torchwood, Jake commented, “You look much happier, Rose, I didn’t know the country air was that good.”

“I was reunited with my best friend last night.”

“I thought I was your best friend!” Mickey exclaimed indignantly.

“Best friend, or boyfriend?” Jake shot back at the same time as Mickey. They all laughed.

It felt good to be so relaxed again. Rose thought finally that she could see a happy outcome no matter what happened. If she could never completely get back to the Doctor she was happy to just see him, to be able to speak to him. Of course she wanted to get back properly, but if that wasn’t possible she would continue on the path of building a life for herself here. That was what loving someone was, she thought, wanting to be with them, but not caring how they spent their time. Sometimes she thought if you looked love up in the dictionary you would see a picture of the two of them. Or she hoped so anyway, she still wasn’t certain he felt the same way.

“You know, Rose, it’s really nice to see you care free again. You haven’t been this relaxed in a really long time,” Mickey ventured carefully.

“Oh Mickey, I thought we’d established you and I just don’t work together,” Rose joked, continuing seriously when the laughter had died down, “although it is really nice to have friends who don’t think I’m mad!”

“If we didn’t work for Torchwood we probably would, you know,” Jake added, “a boyfriend that only you can see. Sounds like asylum material that does!”

The banter continued all the way back to Torchwood Tower where, as predicted, Owen was delighted to get to run a full medical on a live alien, let alone one that only seemed to be interested in eating. So delighted he almost forgot to remind Rose to continue to keep a diary. Almost.

For all their bantering, Mickey and Jake were delighted to hear Rose’s news and wanted to hear all the details at the bar that evening. The drinks were on her apparently as she was the cause of them going out, but Rose was too happy to disagree. These two had kept her going when times were at their toughest. The least she could do was to buy them a few drinks.

Consequently, it was late when she arrived home feeling content and got ready for bed. She couldn’t help but muse over her day and Rose thought as she climbed into her large, inviting bed, she would fill in a lot of sleep diaries for the sake of this continuing.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The support from you guys honestly means everything! Thank you so much if you have commented or left kudos. 
> 
> Thanks as always to my beta [Super_Powerful_Queen_Slayyna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/super_powerful_queen_slayyna/works)

The Doctor and Rose sat on the sofa in the lounge next to each other. Both of them were still in disbelief at being with the other one, as a result they had an unspoken agreement to keep their hands clasped together. The TARDIS seemed particularly happy to see the two of them together finally and was humming happily in the background.

As they sat in a contented silence for a while, Rose tried to convince herself she should just ask him about the beach, about his feelings. She wanted to lean into him, it felt natural, but she was scared of rejection. Instead, she found herself asking about their current situation. 

“So, are you going to tell me what you’ve found out yet? I know you, you’ll have been investigating since the moment I left.”

“I can’t be certain. I have no conclusive proof,” The Doctor began hesitantly, continuing after she nodded. “I think it is to do with Bad Wolf.”

“Bad Wolf?” Rose questioned, sitting up straighter. “Wasn’t that a message?”

“Yes and no. Rose do you remember how you came back to the game station?”

“I asked the TARDIS. I looked into her and asked her.”

“When you looked into the TARDIS, you took the whole of the time vortex into you. You had all the power of a God and you used it to keep me safe. Have you any idea how humbling that was?” The Doctor still seemed disbelieving, even after so many years. Rose was about to reply but the Doctor continued. “Anyway, it was killing you and you couldn’t let it go, I’m not sure you knew how, so I took it from you. Somehow, I must have left a bit there or maybe being there in the first place was enough, but a bond was created between you and the TARDIS.”

“Is that why I can hear her singing?” Rose interrupted.

“You can hear that? She’s singing inside your head Rose; telepathically. Most humans can’t hear that, their brains just aren’t designed that way. I think that it must be part of the bond. I’m afraid I can’t be certain without looking inside your head.”

“Hmm,” Rose seemed skeptical, “maybe later, carry on.”

“I think this bond was created between you that day and I think she’s using that connection now to pull you back into this universe. When you are sleeping your mental and physical defences are at their lowest, so it is easiest. You said yesterday that there had been a whole year since you last dreamed you were here?”

Rose nodded, but didn’t reply.

“Something happened for an entire year. Someone used the TARDIS as a paradox machine. She barely had the energy to survive, let alone to continue pulling you across. The year was erased for everyone but those at the heart of it, obviously your connection to the TARDIS made the year remain for you too.”

Rose’s hand flew to her mouth in shock and horror. The Doctor paused, obviously emotional.

“Do you want to tell me more?” Rose asked.

“Not tonight. Tonight is not a night for sad memories, I just want to enjoy being here with you. I still can’t believe you’re here.”

“So does this mean that eventually I’ll come across properly?”

“Yes as far as I can tell. I mean, I can try and stop it if you want to stay with your family, but I don’t know if I can. The TARDIS can be stubborn when she wants to be.”

The TARDIS flashed in annoyance, but both her occupants ignored her in favour of continuing their conversation.

“I want to come back more than anything, Doctor. I made my choice all those years ago and I’m never going to leave you. I meant it when I said forever,” Rose was very quick to reply. The Doctor’s face split into a grin bigger than Rose had ever seen and Rose couldn’t resist leaning in for a hug, but found, similar to yesterday, she didn’t want it to end. The Doctor obviously shared this sentiment because he pulled her down so they were lying together again. They stayed there, revelling in being together for a good amount of time, both of them deep in their own thoughts.

After a while Rose spoke, ready to give voice to the thought running round her head. “Can I ask you a question, Doctor?” she asked nervously, knowing this would be a delicate subject.

“Mmm,” the Doctor replied, absentmindedly running his fingers through her hair now that they were back in their original positions.

“How long were you alone for? Was there someone else straight after me?”

The Doctor paused what he was doing abruptly. “Yeah, fairly soon after, yes there was - Martha, she was called. Rose, you have to know, when I lost you I… I was lost. You know how I get. I was angry with the world. Martha, she helped. She held me back from myself and taught me to enjoy life again.”

The Doctor was visibly shocked when she let out a little laugh. “I knew you weren’t alone, remember, there were signs in the console room on some of my trips. I’m not upset, I’m glad. I mean, I was a bit upset at first, but I remember how you were when I first met you. I met Sarah Jane, I know I was never the only one and I know you need someone, Doctor. I’m glad you found someone to help you. Where is she?”

“She left. She, I think, implied that she loved me. She said I made her feel like second best. She said she was getting out.” The Doctor tripped over his words, but clearly looked crestfallen. Rose couldn’t imagine her Doctor ever intentionally making anyone feel bad. He was always so full of life and enthusiasm about humans and people. Then she thought about meeting Sarah Jane, how she had felt pushed out for a while, she thought about his wild mood swings when he was grieving for Gallifrey.

“You didn’t know, did you? You didn’t know she loved you until she left?”

“No. I mean, I knew she liked me, but I thought we were just friends. Sometimes she would say something or look at me and I thought maybe she did, but then she would backtrack, or we would get carried away on an adventure. Especially at first I barely noticed the world spinning anymore. It felt like it all just stopped when I lost you. She always knew I wanted you back, not instead of, but as well as.”

“You are oblivious at times, Doctor, I’ve seen you stumble into situations and not notice other people. I can believe it. I’m also sure it must have been hard for her as well. You know how jealous you used to get about Mickey and you knew both of us, you could see what was or wasn’t happening. How was Martha supposed to compete with a ghost?”

“When did you get so wise?”

“I grew up, Doctor. I was 19 when you met me, I’m 23 now and have a lot more life experience than some people have in a lifetime. Travelling with you and moving universes does tend to make someone grow up.”

“Rose Tyler, Defender of the Earth,” he echoed his words from so long ago, the same pride still evident in his voice.

\---

Over the next few weeks they fell into a routine. The Doctor would usually wait for Rose in the Console Room and they would make their way to whichever room they wanted to be in. It was usually the snug, but sometimes they would go somewhere else. Occasionally, the Doctor was caught up in an adventure and couldn’t make it back to the TARDIS for the evening. The first time it had happened Rose had spent the following day distracted and panicking. She was lucky it was a quiet day and they were just working at desks as she would have been useless in the field.

After that, Rose just spent the time with the TARDIS on the evenings the Doctor wasn’t there. She always worried slightly about him, but she knew he was more than capable of taking care of himself.

Neither of them had really gotten used to the abrupt end to their evenings, but the TARDIS had taken to giving them a warning when the time was getting close. Rose was also getting better at sensing it.

There was still a slight underlying tension when it came to feelings or sitting arrangements, Rose was no clearer on where they stood, instead they seemed to have picked up where they left off with this strange relationship where they danced just out of reach of the other. She was building herself up to tackling him about it, but there always seemed something more important to talk about. 

The two of them had managed to catch up about the important events that had happened in each other’s lives whilst they had been apart. The Doctor was delighted when Rose managed to bring a picture of the family across once. She knew he had grown fonder of her Mum, but it was lovely to see him interested in Tony as well.

Both of them enjoyed telling each other about their respective adventures during the time they had been apart. Rose particularly enjoyed the story about his return to New New York and was saddened to hear about the Face of Boe, but pleased to hear about Novice Hame looking after him. Although it was obvious it had been difficult for him, Rose was also really interested to hear about the Doctor’s time as John Smith as she couldn’t imagine him being human. She wished she could speak to Martha as it sounded like they had a lot in common. Up until Torchwood, Rose had stayed in touch with Sarah Jane- nothing much, a message or a photo occasionally. Rose was deeply saddened when she needed Sarah Jane’s advice and support the most (when she was separated from the Doctor) that she had no way of contacting her. It was so nice to have the ability to talk to someone who understood. However incredible life with the Doctor was, sometimes you just needed a normal conversation with no expectations, and sometimes things were so amazing you needed to share them with someone who didn’t view it all as normal.

A few weeks later, Rose appeared in the console room as normal, but something felt different. The TARDIS seemed happier than usual, the happy humming was a pitch higher. The Doctor was waiting for her in his usual manner, fiddling with something under the grating. When he sat up she could see his eyes twinkling and his grin was that bit wider. Since she had been seeing him every evening she had noticed his shoulders relax and his eyes start to sparkle again, he was returning to the person he had been before they had been separated. This was more than that though.

As they did every night, the two of them crossed the room to greet each other with a big hug.

“I’ve got news,” he announced joyfully as they separated, not waiting for her to reply before launching ahead at a million miles per hour. “Do you remember me telling you about Donna, of course you do, the angry bride that appeared in the TARDIS. Well I was investigating this weight loss company today and I found her! Or rather she found me I guess, she’s been looking into mysterious events trying to find me again. It was a bit awkward because then the bad guy saw us and we had to escape in a window cleaning apparatus down the side of a high rise building, which didn’t go well, but Donna had another capsule which meant I could save everyone from being turned into Adipose and so it all turned out okay. Then she asked me if she could still travel with me and once I established that I didn’t want to hurt her like I hurt Martha, she came with me!” The Doctor finally paused for breath and looked at her expectantly. Rose imagined she was looking at him as though he had grown an extra head. He certainly must have grown an extra lung. She wondered if all Time Lords had a respiratory bypass system purely for talking at a million miles per hour, or if that was exclusive to her Time Lord.

“Let me get this clear,” she began, falteringly. “You bumped into Donna, the mad bride who turned out to be alright, whilst you were investigating a dodgy weight loss company. She helped you save the day and you’ve asked her to travel with you because you think she would be good.”

“That is about it yeah,” the Doctor mumbled, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly.

“Well, that’s great!” Rose exclaimed. “You’ve already told me about how Donna saved you from going too far that day and now not only has she been looking for you, but she’s helped you save the day. It sounds like she’s long overdue an invitation!”

“I haven’t told her about you yet, though,” The Doctor faltered, “I mean she knows we travelled before and she knows I lost you, it’s this that I haven’t told her about. It just seemed like a lot to explain on top of everything else today.” The Doctor suddenly looked meekly at her “and besides, she’d want to meet you and I’m not ready to share you yet!”

Rose just grinned and brought her hand to rest on his arm. “Come on, let’s go and get a cup of tea and you can tell me all about Donna.”

That apparently was exactly what he needed to hear because he grabbed her hand and skipped through the halls to the kitchen. Rose hadn’t been lying, she thought it was great the Doctor had found Donna again. It wasn’t good for him to be alone and she knew he didn’t praise people lightly. If he said she was good, she was probably amazing. Besides, she thought as the Doctor poured the tea, when she returned it would be nice not to be the only girl (and human) around the place. The TARDIS hummed indignantly in her head. “You know what I mean girl,” Rose murmured.

“What’s that?” The Doctor asked, obviously thinking she had been speaking to him.

“Oh the TARDIS was upset because I thought it would be nice not to be the only girl around here. I was just reassuring her.”

The Doctor looked alarmed “Rose, I know we agreed to wait, but it sounds like I really need to make sure you’re okay. If the TARDIS is communicating with you on that level, then that means your brain has probably altered slightly to allow telepathic communication and I need to make sure you have barriers up and it isn’t damaging the rest of your brain.”

Rose sighed. “I trust her not to hurt me Doctor, but if it will reassure you take a look. You owe me a cup of tea though! Can I stay here or do I need to move as well?”

The Doctor looked thoughtful for a moment. “I can do it here if you want, sometimes things inside your head can take a longer time in the outside world though so you do need to be comfortable.”

“Just do it,” said Rose, yawning and eager to return to her cup of tea. She trusted the Doctor completely, but she hated people rooting around in her head and she didn’t want to waste her precious time with him. The TARDIS had never hurt her, not even when she ripped open the console with a big yellow truck and she truly didn’t believe the TARDIS would harm her now, even unintentionally.

The Doctor pulled a chair up so he was sat facing her. “Now,” he said “I know you’ve seen this before, but it has been a while so I’ll just remind you. Anything you don’t want me to see, just picture a closed door in front of it and I won’t look. I’m not here to root around your thoughts, but if you think something too strongly it probably will come across. Are you okay?”

In response, Rose just pulled the Doctor’s fingers towards her temples, letting him find the right position, only slightly distracted by how close they were to each other. She felt it as soon as he connected. It was like a slight tickling sensation at the edge of her thoughts. She pulled it towards her and felt it getting stronger. Just as it reached the bit where she normally lost herself in her head, she felt the Doctor pull back.

“What’s wrong? Did I do something wrong?”

“Nah, you were just perfect.” He gazed fondly at her for a moment, before clearing his throat and continuing, “I couldn’t access your mind though, I couldn’t access any more than the surface of it. I think perhaps it’s because you’re not fully here yet. There is still a part of you in the other universe. I can’t believe I didn’t think about it before, it needs to be to sustain you in that universe, if it wasn’t there you would be here permanently. I keep forgetting you’re not fully over yet, you feel so real.”

“I am real Doctor, but it does feel as though I am living two different lives. One here with you and one here with my parents. Are you still worried because you can’t check my head?”

“Only a little bit. I need to do what you have been doing all along and trust the TARDIS. She’s a better telepath than I will ever be and she obviously cares about you a lot or you wouldn’t be here. I don’t really think she’d hurt you, I just can’t bear the thought of anything going wrong. I never thought I’d see you again.”

“I missed you too, I missed you so much it hurt. That first hour I thought I would never leave that wall. I thought if I wished hard enough I could come back through. Maybe it was not a good thing exactly, but not as awful as it first seemed. I got to see my family settled and happy and they’ve had time to adjust to the idea that I’m going to leave. That day everything happened so quickly, I don’t know what my Mum would have done without the chance to say a proper goodbye, never completely knowing if I had survived.”

“Poor Jackie, her world changed so much that day.”

“There are words I never thought I would hear you say, ‘poor Jackie’!”

“Rose!” The Doctor appeared scandalised, “you know I have infinite respect for your Mum and her right hand!”

They both laughed and just like that the solemn mood had been replaced with one of fun and teasing. It was for the best Rose thought, they were both still grieving for the loss of each other, unsure where they stood now and scared this would go wrong. It would be easy for the Doctor to lose himself in that, to run away from the feelings, like he tried to do when things got serious.

“So tell me about Donna then – is she going to be a good shopping partner?”

“It scares me how quickly your head jumps to shopping.”

“Well, with the shopping opportunities the TARDIS presents… besides, I genuinely am going to need a whole new wardrobe when I return. I’m not wearing the same clothes 19 year old me wore! I can’t imagine you would have much stamina for it either, which leaves me with Donna.”

“Oh she’s as jeopardy friendly as you are – the two of you wouldn’t stand a chance!”

“Oi, I have looked after myself quite well for two years thank you very much. Leader of my own field unit and only one major incident in that time, even that was your fault!” Rose looked indignantly at the Doctor.

“How do you figure that out when I wasn’t even in the same universe as you?”

“I thought I saw the TARDIS,” Rose mumbled at a million miles per hour.

“So you thought you saw the TARDIS, got distracted and got injured and that’s my fault?”

“Of course,” Rose beamed, pleased that he understood.

“I don’t think I’ll ever understand the logic behind that one will I?”

“Ask Donna, I’m sure she’ll explain it to you.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't believe it has taken me this long to upload this! I'll try to do better this time! Real life has been stressful the last few weeks, but hopefully that's settling down a bit now. 
> 
> As always thank you to [Super_Powerful_Queen_Slayyna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/super_powerful_queen_slayyna/works) for betaing this!

The visits continued until the Doctor announced one night he thought Rose should meet Donna. Rose was delighted, both because she wanted the Doctor to have someone to talk to and because she wanted someone to talk to. Rose agreed that he needed to tell Donna before they were introduced, but did not feel it was appropriate for the Doctor to go and wake her up to tell her (in typical Doctor fashion, having made a decision he wanted to do it yesterday). Rose said it should be up to Donna when they met – it might be a bit weird to suddenly be told the missing (could-be, might-be) girlfriend is here, but only when she’s dreaming, but actually she’s not dreaming she’s awake. Rose had trouble getting her head around it and it was happening to her!

Rose was glad the time for meeting Donna was happening now and not earlier, it would be awkward to disappear in the middle of an introduction! Rose’s diary and indeed her own perception, showed that she had been spending more of her evening here. The first time she had returned to the TARDIS she had been there for barely five minutes. Now she was here for a few hours every evening.

To prepare her for meeting Donna, the Doctor tried to tell her more about Donna. The Doctor seemed more scared about the meeting than Rose was, but Rose guessed it would be awkward for him if they didn’t get along. Rose didn’t see why they wouldn’t get along though, the problem with Sarah Jane was that both had assumed they were the only one. Silly now that she thought about it, to assume in 900 years the Doctor had never had other friends, but she was young and Sarah Jane was still hurting. Once they realised the other wasn’t a threat they had got on wonderfully. Donna already knew about Rose, so she didn’t think the jealousy would be a problem.

Once the Doctor had settled down she persuaded him to tell her about some of the adventures he had had with Donna recently. She had been really interested in their adventure to Pompeii, having learnt about it in school. When the Doctor had described the choice he had had to make though, Rose had felt herself welling up slightly. Nobody should have to face that sort of choice and she was glad Donna had been there to help and support him.

The description of coming across the Ood again had left her both saddened and elated. She had always felt strongly that keeping the Ood was not right, but one thing led to another and they had just been pleased to make it out alive. The thought of the way they were treated on the Ood sphere was heartbreaking though. Rose was so pleased that the Ood were allowed to be themselves now.

Rose told the Doctor about some of the things that had been happening at Torchwood, it had been pretty quiet recently, but Rose and her team were on the trail of something that had the potential to be big. The Doctor had some helpful insights, but Rose hardly heard them as she was hyper aware of the side of the Doctor pressing into her. They were sat next to each other, slightly closer than before, close enough she let her head slip slowly onto his shoulder - giving him enough time to pull away. She really was very comfortable there. Her brain was going mad, so aware of his shoulder underneath his head, feeling him move slightly as he breathed. The sound of her heart beat through her head as she let the sound of his voice wash over her. 

Remembering why he was talking, she forced herself to concentrate, yawned and sat up so she could face the Doctor. Due to their closer-than-usual position, that left her facing him and for the second time that evening, very aware of every part of him. She looked at his lips, so close, just one tiny movement would bring them together. He was looking at her as though she was the only thing in existence. It was a tiny movement, but he moved forwards so their lips were virtually touching. Rose was about to close that distance, finally feeling like she had her answers about his feelings and where she stood, when he pulled away abruptly, leaving her feeling more confused than ever. 

More to cover her surprise than anything else, she asked, “Do you really think it could be Silurians, Doctor?

Clearing his throat, he avoided looking her in the eye as he said, “It’s hard to be certain because I’m not seeing what you are, but it certainly sounds like it could be.”

“So what do we do?”

“Again, it’s difficult to be certain and it is a different universe, which complicates it. The thing about Silurians is that they really hate humans. They lived here before you and believe the Earth is rightfully theirs. Chances are they are a small colony, there aren’t many left anymore. Ideally, you would manage to find them a home away from any humans, although you might have to trick them to get them there because, again, they’re unlikely to listen to a human. They don’t cope well with cold temperatures because they’re cold blooded.”

“So it looks like it’s my turn to Defend the Earth,” Rose laughed, slightly tense. The Doctor seemed oblivious that anything had happened.

“You and Mickey and Jake, who would have thought it. Rickey the idiot on Torchwood’s best field team.”

“Mickey always had it in him. He was always going to be special when he found his way.”

“I saw it, you know, after Downing Street, I offered Mickey the chance to come with us. I saw the potential in him then. He said he wasn’t ready, but I knew he would be good one day. Nobody who handled themselves like he did that day would be useless.”

“I knew it! I knew you liked him really.”

“I respected him, I  _ liked _ to wind him up, especially the last me. There is no denying he’s found what he’s good at, his role. I suspect that was in spite of me, though. He was right, I did only have eyes for you!”

“Do you really think we’re going to be any different this time around?”

“I know we’re not, I’ve lost you once, I’m not letting you out of my sight again!”

\---

The following evening Rose was excited to meet Donna, she had chosen her outfit carefully, both to make a good first impression, but also to hide the gash on her arm where she had zoned out on the mission today. It felt strange going to bed in clothes, but she didn’t want to meet Donna for the first time in her pyjamas. She was also very aware of the nearly kiss last night and had spent the day trying unsuccessfully not to let it (and questions about what it meant) consume her thoughts. Clothes would hopefully make things feel a bit more normal between them again.

When she appeared in the console room the first thing she noticed was a streak of ginger launching itself at her. Her immediate thought was that something had happened to the Doctor and he must have finally become ginger, then her brain caught up with her and she remembered that Donna was ginger.

“You must be Rose,” Donna exclaimed when she let Rose go.

“Hi Donna!” Rose replied, “It’s really good to meet you.”

“I’m so glad to meet you too! He told me you were lost, all moping around with big puppy dog eyes, I might finally get some peace now your back.”

Rose knew instantly that she was going to like Donna, she was just the right blend of humour and sensitivity. It was clear she was fond of the Doctor, but as a close friend. She had no concept of hero worship, she thought nothing of calling him out on his mistakes and faults. She seemed to know a lot about Rose which led Rose to think the Doctor must have talked a lot about her.

Donna wasted no time in establishing Rose as her shopping partner. The Doctor was exasperated at the plans the two of them concocted (Donna was delighted when Rose told her there actually was a Planet of the Hats, although it was more a planet that specialised in making hats) but he also looked secretly delighted that the two of them were getting on so well. He was less delighted when he was left to make the tea while the two of them discussed shared and different experiences and just generally sharing a sheer delight of the life they found themselves in.

“You actually got knighted by Queen Victoria, I thought he was joking! That’s well cool!” Donna exclaimed after Rose had finished telling her about the werewolf. “I can’t believe she banished you though, that’s so ungrateful! I’d have told her where she could stick her knighthood after that.”

“It’s a good job it wasn’t you then, Donna, or we’d have had worse than being banished,” the Doctor said as he set down the teas.

“It was worse than that though, Doctor,” Rose was suddenly thoughtful and downcast, “she set Torchwood up with you as their enemy. Torchwood and their arrogance are what forced us apart. I would still be with you now if it wasn’t for them.”

“What so it’s because of Queen Victoria that he lost you? I knew she had a reputation for being humourless, but that’s something else! Especially after you saved her!” Donna exclaimed, outraged

“You mean he never told you? How we were separated?” Rose asked quizzically.

“No, just that you were lost. He talks about you so much, but he never says anything.”

“It was the Battle of Canary Wolf, when all the ghosts came through.” Rose started, but stopped when Donna looked confused.

“Donna was in Spain,” The Doctor clarified, continuing when Rose looked confused “scuba diving.”

“Okay, well Torchwood let these ghosts through a spatial anomaly. The ghosts turned out to be Cybermen, from a parallel universe. They had followed this ship through the void, the space between parallel universes. The ship had Daleks in. The Daleks and the Cybermen both waged war on each other, people all over the world got caught in it. Those that weren’t fighting each other were on the streets, in people’s homes, killing people. The thing is, if you travel between parallel universes you get covered in Void stuff. The Doctor and I had been there a few months ago, by accident. The Doctor worked out that if you opened the Void it would suck everything inside and seal itself. We had these magna clamps, giant magnetic clamps that can basically hold onto anything. We flicked the levers and clung onto them. The Cybermen and Daleks were all being sucked inside, they were flying past us. It was working! Then a stray Dalek hit the lever loose. I grabbed the lever and forced it back up, but I had to let go of the clamp to do it. I tried, I tried so hard to hold on. I was slipping, but I tried so hard to hold on.” Rose was looking at the Doctor now, both of them with tears in their eyes at the memory.

“You fell,” Donna clarified.

Rose nodded, clearly choked up. The Doctor continued, “For a moment we both thought she was going to end up in the Void, in hell. At the last minute, her Dad from the parallel universe came back, grabbed her and took her back. The Void shut and that parallel word sealed off, she was safe, but trapped.”

Donna reached out a comforting hand to rest on Rose’s shoulder and Rose gasped and flinched away. The Doctor sat up straight.

“Rose?” he questioned.

“Just a scratch, that’s all.” Rose leapt to explain away.

“Let me see,” The Doctor insisted, so reluctantly Rose took off her jacket, revealing a bandage on her upper arm, just slightly tinged with blood.

“It’s just a scratch,” Rose repeated, weakly.

“How did it happen?” The Doctor asked, ignoring Rose’s statement.

“On the field,” Rose answered vaguely again. “Silurians, you know.”

“I can see that, what I don’t understand is how you allowed this to happen and why you kept it from me?” The Doctor looked hurt, which instantly made Rose feel guilty. 

“I only kept it from you so you wouldn’t worry, it was sorted so there wasn’t anything for you to worry about. I didn’t want to waste our time together and I was looking forward to meeting you, Donna.”

Donna smiled weakly back at Rose. “I’ve enjoyed meeting you too, Rose, and I hope we can do this again, but I think I had better leave you and spaceman to talk.”

“Night, Donna,” Rose gave Donna a hug and waited until she had left the room before she rounded on the Doctor. What she was going to say, however, left her when she saw the hurt in his eyes.

“Don’t you trust me, Rose? I know you. I know you’re not the type to let yourself get hurt by a Siluran and I know you don’t normally keep things from me. So, what is it? Have I done something wrong?”

“No Doctor! Never! Look, sit down again and I’ll explain, but you have to promise you will listen until I have finished talking.”

The Doctor just nodded.

“When we went out today, with the research on their base and the information you had given us, it was one of those rare occasions where everything goes according to plan. Mickey was to provide a distraction and Jake and I were to freeze them with fire extinguishers, you know like we did to those clockwork robots?” The Doctor nodded, but stayed silent as agreed. Rose continued, “I was in position, I was ready to go and I got distracted, I zoned out. One of them got me before Jake could get to help me. It really is just a scratch, a little bit sore, but I’ve had worse and you know it.”

“But why-“ the Doctor began, before remembering his promise and closing his mouth wordlessly.

“The thing is, Doctor, I zoned out because I was tired. When I first started coming to the TARDIS, it was for very short periods. I was tired, but I quickly adjusted. Now though, I’m spending several hours every night here, awake. Just recently it has been leaving me more tired during the day. Today was the first time it has got in the way of my work. I didn’t tell you because I knew you would feel guilty and it really isn’t your fault. It’s nobody’s fault, it just is. I’ll start going to bed earlier, that will help.”

“Rose you should have told me! It’s not healthy for you to be zoning out on field missions, I’m going to tell the TARDIS not to bring you as often. We can work out how many nights are sensible to come.”

“You can’t make all of these decisions for me. I don’t want to stop coming. You didn’t have a whole year of nothing, you don’t know how it felt on those nights I didn't come. Besides, we don’t know what the TARDIS is doing. She might need me here every night to make it work. At the very least, we need to have a discussion about this!”

“Okay, well at least let me talk to the TARDIS so we have all the information to be able to discuss it.”

Rose nodded and watched as the Doctor put his hands on a wall and closed his eyes; from a distance he looked deep in thought, which Rose supposed he was really. She couldn’t deny she was nervous about the outcome. She saw the sense in taking a break, but it just felt so much like that year did. The not knowing was the hardest. Not knowing if she would make it back again, not knowing what was happening. The biting loneliness at being apart whilst still questioning what their relationship was. She noticed the Doctor turn to look at her and heard him talk, as though in the distance, about the process. She registered when he told her that the TARDIS reckoned she was only a few weeks away from making the full transfer, she registered him tell her that time away wouldn’t harm any progress, but to take the odd day off would make the process last longer, she registered when he told her that the TARDIS needed her at full strength before she did the full transfer, as it would take a lot of energy away from both of them, she registered all of this, but as though she were watching on tv.

“I just want to be with you,” she heard herself say and she heard the TARDIS hum in her head and flash the lights. Somehow that brought her to her senses.

“I feel like the choice has been made for me, but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.”

The Doctor laughed “I can’t believe I’m so close to having you back! My ship is a genius!”

Everyone heard the TARDIS hum her agreement that time and even Rose managed to laugh.

“Would a week do the trick, or would it have to be longer?”

“I think a week would probably work. I could ask her to bring you back after a week, or later if she feels you’re not rested enough?”

“That could work I guess. I don’t want to leave you though.”

“Me too,” the Doctor said simply and pulled her in for a hug. He held her there until she woke up in her bed in the mansion. Reluctantly, she turned over and went to sleep, hoping sleep would prepare her for the week ahead.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always massive thanks to my beta [Super_Powerful_Queen_Slayyna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/super_powerful_queen_slayyna/works)! She really did an awesome job!
> 
> Real life is depressing at the moment, so this chapter is for anyone who needs an escape from it!

The week dragged. Rose found herself staring endlessly at the clock, willing it forwards. She had to admit to herself after just her first night’s full sleep how much more alert she was during the day. She hadn’t realised quite how tired she had got until she was sleeping properly again. That didn’t mean however, that she liked it. The hours felt like days and the days felt like weeks. Surprisingly, Rose found she wasn’t worried about the Doctor and the TARDIS. She trusted the TARDIS to bring her home again when the time was right and she trusted Donna to keep an eye out for the Doctor. Somehow the very fact it was planned made it feel less worrying.

Rose also found herself questioning the status of their relationship more than ever. They hugged, they sat together and held hands, they told each other everything except what they were feeling. Rose had been very clear about what she wanted, but maybe it was time to push the Doctor into being clear about what he wanted. Was this dance they were doing around each other practical for the long term?

On the first day Rose threw herself into work. A mysterious object had fallen into Torchwood’s hands and she was asked to lend a hand in figuring it out. The box was roughly the size of a book and made of a dull metal, resembling steel, but warm to the touch. Around the outside were carvings in a language Rose didn’t know, but seemed somehow familiar to her.

Initially she just did a visual observation, noting down anything that seemed unusual, or significant to her. It didn’t appear to be a box as there was no way she could find to open it, it wasn’t heavy so it was obviously designed to be portable. It gave off a slight glow, not noticeable unless the lights were turned off. It was more than being phosphorescent though, it was more like chemiluminescence, giving off light with only a small emission of heat.

Under scans, the object revealed that it wasn’t hollow and that energy seemed to be sucked in by it, although not at a dangerous level. If anything it stabilised the environment, rather than destabilising it. Whilst being scanned it emitted a slight hum, almost undetectable in some of the louder scans.

The irony that she really could have used some advice on this object didn’t escape her. As much as it would have been easier to simply ask the Doctor though, a part of her did enjoy the challenge of putting her experience and knowledge to the test. If the 19-year old her could hear the way she spouted scientific terminology as though it was normal, she would have laughed at herself. She was certain however that if the 19 year old her could see herself now she would not change a thing. Rose knew that she had come a long way, even in the 2 years since she had been trapped here. Given a choice, she would always choose the Doctor, but she had grown up in that time, she had been put to the test and she had risen to the challenge. Poignantly both felt like training. Her time with the Doctor had felt like training for her role in Torchwood, yet her role in Torchwood felt like training to return to the Doctor.

That evening Mickey and Jake came round for dinner, a semi-regular occurrence. The topic inevitably turned to work and all around the table (with the possible exception of Jackie) were keen to know more about the object. Ideas were thrown around and discarded, from the sensible to the ridiculous. Rose couldn’t help but stick to the significance of it absorbing energy and all around agreed the next step was to test it when it was exposed to higher levels of energy.

Conversation also inevitably turned to Rose and her situation. Jackie seemed emotional at the thought of Rose going soon, but not awfully surprised. Mickey and Jake both looked relieved when Rose said she was taking a week out to recover, Pete looked a bit embarrassed, but when they had a moment, just the two of them, he reminded her how much he now saw her as his daughter. It was a touching moment and Rose appreciated how far their relationship had come. He had stepped up to the plate when it mattered and Rose would always be grateful to him for becoming her father. It hadn’t been an easy journey for either of them. 

It was a lovely evening, as so many were at the moment, but Rose felt distracted by the clock, wondering what the Doctor was doing and counting down the time until she could see him again. Quite early in the evening Rose announced she was going to bed. Nobody looked surprised and she realised how often she must be doing that recently. Sacrificing what she had right now, when she knew she would miss it when it was gone. It wasn’t as though bed would bring her the Doctor so she changed her mind and stayed up later. Her family seemed pleased and Rose was glad she could make them happy. In fact as much as she couldn’t help clock watching, she felt suddenly saddened at the thought of losing these people who had helped her through so much. When she did finally go to bed she lay awake thinking about what she was giving up.

After the conversation over dinner the previous night, Rose woke well rested and determined to figure out the mysterious object. Unfortunately, fate had other ideas because Rose was diverted to a field call whilst on her way to work. It was well into the afternoon by the time she made it back to the office, covered from head to toe in mud. Fortunately Torchwood had a set of work showers and all field employees kept a spare set of clothes in the office as standard.

When she finally made it back to the object, she reigned in her enthusiasm to get stuck into the tests she had planned and conducted another visual examination – it was important to check whether anything had changed because that would give them more information as well. There was no change, however, which meant she could begin the tests. The results were astounding. The object soaked up radiation and other forms of external energy and made a room safe to be in. In theory she could stand in a room full of radiation and as long as she had the object (the shield she had taken to calling it) she would be perfectly safe. She rang Mickey straight away.

“Mickey, can you confirm some test results on this object for me. I need to make sure my findings are correct before I submit them.”

“I can be there in 10, I’m just about done here anyway.”

Mickey and Jake had gone to the site of a previous field mission to check for anything the aliens may have left behind. Normally Rose would have gone with them, but it was considered routine and low risk so both Mickey and Jake and their bosses felt Rose was better placed to continue her work on the object. It looked like they might have made the right choice.

When Mickey arrived he conducted the same tests Rose had done, while Rose and Jake went for a tea. It was important Mickey wasn’t influenced by Rose, otherwise there was no point in her asking him in. Normally she would have complete confidence in her own findings, but this had the potential to be significant, so she wanted to be absolutely certain before she submitted her findings.

Rose found herself discussing Mickey with Jake. It wasn’t entirely surprising as the three of them were a pretty exclusive group. When Rose had first arrived they had tried teaming her with other people and when that hadn’t worked, they had tried adding other people into their group. It hadn’t worked out. Rose, Mickey and Jake just had too much history. They trusted each other like they didn’t trust anyone else (except maybe Pete but he very rarely did field work). Consequently, it was the three of them, which is how Rose and Jake found themselves discussing Mickey.

Jake was worried that Mickey was putting a brave face on things and actually wasn’t coping with the situation as well as he appeared to be. Rose had to admit it had been pretty tough on Mickey recently. He had been there for her through all the initial uncertainty, then the tests, then the year she was apart and now the tiredness and distraction at work, all on top of the prospect of losing her. She saw it from his point of view suddenly and agreed to talk to Mickey.

Then she turned the conversation round to Jake’s potential new boyfriend. None of them expected it to be serious, but it was fun to tease him about it. They were both happily occupied when Mickey arrived, Jake was blushing a bright shade of red and both were laughing. Mickey looked stunned, which silenced them both.

Jake was the first to speak. “So?” he asked.

“So, I can see why you wanted a second opinion, Rose, this has the potential to be huge. Come on, I’ll show you.”

Mickey talked through his findings, which were remarkably similar to Rose’s. In fact, the numbers were so similar it was easy to confuse the two tests. They all concluded the same thing, but Mickey was the first one to speak.

“We need to take this higher. These results are groundbreaking. If we could replicate this, it could save lives, restore natural environments and even if we can’t replicate it, it could be a significant piece of field kit. We need to let them run their own tests so they can start working on replicating it.”

Rose picked up her work phone and punched in Pete’s number, thinking as she always did that she should really have it on speed dial. Very quickly she managed to get his attention by telling him they had figured out the object. He agreed to come down.

When he arrived, they wasted no time in filling him in on the situation, by the time they had finished his face wore an identical expression to the one Mickey had worn an hour earlier.

“I think we need to transfer this to mechanics, see if they can work on replicating this. You were right, this has so much potential. Well done guys, this is really great work. I’ll let you do a handover tomorrow, get yourselves off. You’re late enough as it is.”

“In that case, pub?” Rose turned to Mickey and Jake.

“Rose, you’re supposed to be resting,” Mickey sighed as Pete discreetly let himself out of the office.

“And I will, but I just want a celebratory drink in the pub with my team, is that too much to ask?”

Jake just looked at Mickey with puppy dog eyes that even Rose couldn’t manage, “Come on, mate,” he pleaded, when he knew he’d won.

Mickey sighed and grabbed his coat. Rose grinned and linked her arm through his (she only held hands with one person). “Lead on, Jake,” she commanded jokingly.

\---

The three of them were relatively safe, huddled into the corner, discussing things in hushed tones. Torchwood had their own bar so people could go out and let their hair down, without worrying about saying the wrong thing to the wrong person. It was part of their work-life balance initiative, one of the more popular ideas, especially as the drinks were quite cheap. Rose’s situation and the object were highly confidential, even within Torchwood, which meant there was still a need for caution and privacy.

When Jake went to the bar for more drinks, Rose took her chance.

“You’ve always been there for me, Mickey, I don’t think I’ve ever really said thanks. You were the one who was there for me after Jimmy and you’ve stuck by me ever since. I need you to know how much that has meant to me.”

“You big sap, I’ll always be here. We’re mates yeah, that’s what mates are for.”

“I’m gonna miss you, Mickey. It feels cruel that to be with him, I have to say goodbye to you.”

“Or you could see it as us having had bonus years together. When you left me in that alley, I didn’t think we would even get this. I’ll miss you, ‘course I will, but you belong with him.”

“I’m sorry, I’ve taken you for granted so much, been so involved in my own problems. I don’t think I have long, but we’re gonna make the most of the time I’ve got, right?”

“Hell yeah, we’re going to get you so drunk you don’t know who the Doctor is anymore!” Mickey retorted grinning.

“I’m sure Pete would love that – his best field team being so hungover they can’t get out of bed tomorrow!”

“Pete couldn’t deny you anything and you know it!”

Jake arrived back and Mickey had obviously communicated his intention to get her drunk, he had a tray full of a few beers and plenty of shots.

“Mickey and I have decided to make this your unofficial leaving party! You can’t have a proper one because of the secrecy, but we both feel you need some good friends to get you drunk to express how much they’re going to miss you.”

Rose sighed in mock reluctance and took a beer. “Well, it looks like I’ve not got a choice since my best mates have ganged up on me!”

After the beer and the second shot, Rose even stopped looking at the clock. She had decided to make the most of now and that was what she was doing, but she couldn’t stop her brain thinking. After the third shot Rose told them the story about Women Wept and Jake mimicked Mickey’s lines from that first Christmas.

“Oh Rose, do tell me more about the Doctor, I do love hearing it.”

“’s what he said. You sure you two aren’t married?”

“We would have invited you to the wedding,” Jake bit back.

In her slightly tipsy state, Rose somehow found that hilarious and it took her a long time to stop laughing. Jake and Mickey were no better, somehow thinking it was a good idea to mime a wedding between them, although Mickey managed to fall over a bar stool and ruined the effect.

Unfortunately, fresh air brought a semblance of sobriety and Rose found her brain click into action, second guessing herself about the decisions that she had made. Could she go and leave it all behind, perhaps forever? She had worked hard to build a life here, she had promised him she would live her life and she had, but could she just leave it now that return beckoned? On the other hand she had also spent 2 years searching for a way back to him, could she just not take it now that she was so close to being back? Did she really want to do that, live a life with no Doctor? Her heart ached at the prospect and she decided it was the alcohol making her worry unnecessarily.

On the third day Rose woke with a headache and a raging thirst, but no more doubts about her decision. Yes she would miss everyone and the life she had built, yes she could have been happy living this life if she had not found a way back, but no, she couldn’t imagine being able to live happily knowing she had a chance to return to the life she wanted and had turned it down.

That didn’t stop her from realising, really realising what she was going to be leaving behind. Rose had spent so long thinking about what she would gain by returning that she hadn’t thought about what she would lose. She stopped and thought, in a way that she hadn’t done since the situation was reversed 2 years ago in the lever room. Back then she had spent her time thinking about what she had lost: her best friend, the man she loved, the life she loved. This time she would be gaining all of that, but losing the life she didn’t know she could have: a fulfilling job, a great team, supportive friends and the family she had always wanted. It was still a simple choice to make, but not so easy to live with.

The sudden realisation gave Rose an idea, a little bit of inspiration for something she could do for the people she would miss so much. She didn’t have to be at work until mid-morning. She had woken up to an email from Pete telling her to come in later on so she could do the handover to the team that were taking over the object. She decided to use her extra time to make a start on her plan.

She hadn’t got very far before she got a phone call asking her to come into work, they had received an incoming message from a spaceship above Earth and she had been requested to come and negotiate.

\---

The last few days Rose spent trying to complete her leaving gift and trying to spend as much time as possible with her family. She still couldn’t help herself looking at the clock and thinking about the Doctor, but now she was also thinking about her family and the small amount of time she had left with them.

It was almost as though Tony could sense something was going on because he was very clingy towards Rose, even more than usual. Rose told him a bedtime story every night and made time to play with him after work, she even took him to the park on her day off. Surprisingly her Mum was not demanding of her time at all, but that just made Rose want to spend more time with her. She even agreed that her Mum could book them both a place in the spa for the following week. Pete himself decided to come on one last field mission with Rose and Mickey and Jake made it clear that they expected her round at Jake’s once more before she went.

Despite spending the entire week counting down until she could see the Doctor again, Rose also found herself wondering if she had enough time with her family to do the things they, and she wanted to do before she went.

On the Saturday that marked a whole week since she had been on the TARDIS, Rose spent the whole day buzzing, desperate to be back aboard. Every clock seemed to be going slower than it even had all week and her level of distraction drove the people around her to despair! That evening as she read Tony a bedtime story, she kept pausing to think. Fortunately Tony, used to the quirks of his sister’s personality by now, thought it was a big joke and kept giggling.

Finally, finally it was time for her to go to bed. She lay down on top of the covers and closed her eyes. When she opened them again to see the TARDIS she smiled. She was home again.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just a warning that this chapter is quite angsty and emotional. It's not long lived throughout the fic, but it is necessary in this chapter to get things to where we all want them to be! 
> 
> I had intended to post this chapter last night, but it didn't happen so Happy November everyone!
> 
> Thanks to my amazing beta [Super_Powerful_Queen_Slayyna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/super_powerful_queen_slayyna/works) and to everyone who continues to leave kudos and encouraging comments - they've brightened my day over a difficult few weeks!

Rose stared at the Doctor, taking in every part of him. The Doctor looked tired, as though he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders. His shoulders were tense and his eyes were dull. When he saw her he smiled and she watched his shoulders come down. It didn’t reach his eyes however. Rose took a breath and walked over to embrace him. He clung to her as though he was drowning at sea and she knew instantly something must have happened while she had been away. She noticed for the first time Donna was standing looking very sober in the corner. Rose shot her a questioning look, but Donna just shook her head and pointed at the Doctor indicating he should be the one to tell her. 

Pushing aside all thoughts of the confrontation about his feelings she had intended she held him tight for a long time. 

When they separated Rose just said “cup of tea, now,” and pulled him, unresisting through to the kitchen. She went to fill the kettle up, but Donna took over and indicated she should sit with him. Taking her lead from Donna, Rose sat across the table from the Doctor and held his hand, just waiting for him to be ready to talk.

Donna set the mugs down on the table (Rose was impressed Donna seemed to have memorised her tea order) and sat next to him; slowly he began to tell her.

The Doctor told her about how Martha had called them back to Earth, about the raid on the ATMOS central depo, how UNIT had established a field base on site. Donna added details, or clarified information occasionally, but for the most part she let the Doctor continue uninterrupted. Rose learnt about the lack of sick days of the workforce (she was really impressed when Donna explained how she discovered it), the Rattagan Academy being behind ATMOS and Donna’s trip home. The Doctor brushed over the rest quickly and Rose got the impression this was simply backstory, however unpleasant it sounded; ATMOS attempting to gas the world and cloning Martha.

However brief the Doctor had been in telling the adventure, everyone had finished their tea by the time the story had finished. Rose got up and made them all another cup of tea and heard the Doctor and Donna discussing things in the background. Rose gathered they were talking about Donna’s Grandad, but she tried not to listen too closely. It didn’t take long to make tea for everyone, as soon as Rose had sat down again the Doctor continued, explaining how him, Donna and Martha were on the TARDIS when it suddenly shut them in and took them to what appeared to be an abandoned tunnel, soldiers cornered them immediately, forcing the Doctor to give a tissue sample that made a daughter. Rose gasped at this, but didn’t have much time to process as the Doctor told how these aliens called ‘The Hath’ arrived and took Martha and his new daughter blew the tunnel up leaving them separated. Rose’s head was spinning with the speed of things, but then she imagined that is how both Donna and the Doctor must have been feeling. Donna told how she named her Jenny and the Doctor had trouble processing her. The Doctor kept quiet, but Rose could tell he would have more to say on the subject later. Donna told how the General explained that the humans and the Hath had been fighting for generations over disagreements and tried to explain how they used the machines to generate fighters, the Doctor just looked disgusted. He took over from Donna, explaining how they were locked up for objecting to the genocide of the Hath, distain dripped from every word he spoke. He explained how the Hath and the people were both searching for The Source and he worked to stop the fighting. Donna laughed and added how Jenny interpreted everything as an act of war, seeing the sonic screwdriver as a weapon and even using the Time War to justify her reasoning.

Rose was amused by the explanation of how they got out of the cell, although they had escaped from so many prison cells while Rose had travelled with the Doctor that nothing surprised her anymore. She was delighted when the Doctor explained how Jenny came to the realisation that she didn’t have to kill people, that there were better options. The finding of the spaceship in the Temple concerned Rose. When Donna explained about the dates and the war only lasting for a week the concern became speechlessness. Then the Doctor got serious as he explained about the terraforming device and how both sounds faced each other and he talked them down by releasing the terraforming device. Both sides so in awe of its beauty that they laid down their weapons. Except General Cob. General Cob who shot Jenny as she stepped in front of the Doctor. Jenny who died in the Doctor’s arms with him willing her to regenerate.

Suddenly with a sickening realisation, Rose understood. The Doctor had told her about being a father before, about how he had lost his family, his planet. They had wept together after the Olympics as he told her all he tried to keep hidden. To forcibly have another daughter, to come to accept her only for her to die in his arms. Rose reached out to him and he gladly held onto her hands.

They sat like that for a long time, nobody seemed willing to break the spell. Eventually however Donna spoke up.

“I’m gonna go ring my Gramps, he likes regular updates of what we get up to and he’ll love the fact I’ve seen a real terraforming device. If I were you two, I would move somewhere more comfy than those stiff, hard-backed chairs, but that’s your choice. See you soon Rose, Doctor, I don’t need an early morning wake up call.”

The normal statement from Donna made them both smile.

“She’s right, these chairs are making me incredibly stiff, let’s go to the snug. I want to tell you about my week and I think you need a proper hug.”

Somehow they both managed to make it to the snug, without actually letting go of each other. Just like the first time they were reunited, neither of them seemed willing to let go of the other, as though it would mean instant separation if they were to let go, a thought neither of them could bear.

“I missed you,” she started when they were comfortable on the sofa, “I spent every day staring at the clock, wondering what you were doing, counting down until I could see you again. The thing is Doctor, I’ve finally realised what I’ll be leaving behind. I have got just about everything I could ever have dreamed of, everything I didn’t even know I wanted. I-I just think I underestimated how hard it was going to be to say goodbye.”

“I understand,” The Doctor said clearly, pulling back slightly, “I understood back in that room when I tried to send you away, but thank you Rose Tyler, thank you for everything!”

“No!” Rose exclaimed, “I don’t think you do understand. I’m not saying I don’t wanna come, just how much I’m going to miss my family! Seriously Doctor, when are you going to understand that when I said forever, I meant forever?”

The Doctor looked sheepish, but also relieved as he settled back into position.

“I should argue with you, encourage you to stay with them, but I’m becoming selfish. I want you with me, I can’t lose you again,” he said as he held her tightly.

“Doctor, the time for persuasion has long passed. I came back when you sent me home on the game station, I came back when you tried to send me to the parallel world, hell I even found a way back to you when I got trapped on the parallel world. I made my choice a long time ago, Doctor, and I’m not going to change my mind. My family is important to me though, so I don’t want you to be thinking I’m running off everytime I mention them. I need to be able to talk about them.”

“You’re right, I’m sorry, I just still can’t believe you’re here again.”

They didn’t talk much about being together in the end, both of them were still preoccupied by the week that had happened. The Doctor was interested in the object Rose talked about and Rose asked more questions about the Sontarans. As if by mutual agreement they both avoided the subject of Jenny, the Doctor just wasn’t ready to talk about it anymore than they already had. 

As the TARDIS gave her the usual warning that Rose was about to return to Pete’s World, the Doctor turned to Rose urgently.

“The TARDIS says a week. She’ll be ready to pull you across properly in a week. You need to know so you can make any arrangements you need to and say your goodbyes.”

So it came down to another week, Rose thought as she saw the TARDIS fade from view. The first week was defined by not having the Doctor, this week would be defined by having nothing but him.

\---

The first thing she did the following morning was to find her Mum and Pete. The scene reminded her so much of when she had told them about hearing the Doctor calling her. They sat in the same room, in the same position. Even Mickey was there. He was staying in the mansion that night and it only seemed fair to include him, he was part of her family after all.

“Last night I went back to the TARDIS again. My week was up so I could go back again. The thing is, as I was leaving, the TARDIS told me that I have a week before I go. Just one more week and then I’ll be back with him.”

Pete looked serious, Mickey looked emotional, but Jackie burst into tears. Pete put his arm around her and Rose held her hand.

“I know you have to go sweetheart, I’d never try and keep you here, you’d only be unhappy, but I can’t believe that this is actually it. That I have to say goodbye to my little girl.”

“Mum, you’ve had 2 years. 2 whole years since I decided to stay with him in our universe and you were going to be in this one. They’ve been great years, but it really is time for me to move on. You’ve got Dad and Tony, you’re not on your own anymore.”

Jackie just sniffled and held Rose’s hand tighter. Mickey was unusually quiet and when she looked over he was struggling to keep his composure.

“My place is here Rose, I’m someone here. You’re good here, but you’re amazin’ with him. It’s always been the two of you and I still wouldn’t get in the way of that, but I wish we had more time. I wish I was there to look out for you when you need it.”

Rose laughed half heartedly, “I never thought it would end up being this hard. Mum, you have always been so good to me, but before we came here I never had a life at home. It was just you and me, fightin’ through. Dad, I can’t believe I have to lose you again.”

“Rose, you’ll never lose me. You’re the daughter I never knew I could have. We got all this time neither of us thought we could ever have. I’ll always be with you. Your Mum and I made you, kind of, your mum raised you. The time we spent together shaped you. You’ll take all of us with you wherever you go. The lessons you have learnt, that we have learnt working at Torchwood together you will put into practice.”

“I love you, I love you all so much!”

By mutual agreement, they all carried on with their day relatively normally. Rose had projects at Torchwood she needed to wind up and none of them wanted to drag out the process of goodbye. Pete being the Director also meant it was difficult for him to take a spontaneous day off. The thought of the end nearing was never far from anyone’s minds however. All of them received constant questions throughout the day about why they were so distracted and Mickey and Rose faced the difficult challenge of telling Jake. It wasn’t like any of them hadn’t been expecting it, but having a date just made it seem more real, more immediate.

Rose was still telling Tony a bedtime story, but before bedtime tonight they all settled in the lounge and watched a film together, Tony settled comfortably in her lap. Nothing fancy, just a group of people enjoying each other’s company, savouring the time they had. Looking around at everyone, Rose doubted whether anyone in the room, including Tony, could actually even name the film they were watching. She definitely couldn’t. Her mind was racing with thoughts and memories. Nothing was simple travelling with the Doctor, she had learnt that a long time ago, but this, this was the hardest decision she had ever had to make. It wasn’t even making the decision that was hard, but carrying it out. It was a guess, but Rose imagined everyone else was thinking about the journey they had all been on, both separately and together. The Doctor really had woven his magic with their situation. Everyone’s lives had been changed for the better when she took his hand in that basement.

When the film had finished Rose carried Tony to bed. He had fallen asleep on her lap and nobody had the heart to wake him. He was already in his cotton alien pyjamas (a present from Rose on his first birthday) so Rose tucked him under the covers, pressed a kiss to his forehead and carefully left the room. She headed back to the lounge for a while, but nobody seemed very talkative. Jackie was the first to head to bed and Rose knew she was trying to deny the situation was happening. Rose decided to head to bed herself as she was eager to see the Doctor again. She wanted to know exactly how the final process would work, she needed to be able to give her family that knowledge, to prepare them.

\---

The Doctor looked slightly more cheery as Rose greeted him in the Console Room that evening. Donna wasn’t there, but the Doctor said she had just decided to take the opportunity for an early night, they had had a lovely day sightseeing on Tesalop 6. Both of them had needed a day just to take a step back and recover.

They went to their usual place on the sofa and Rose found the Doctor had put some biscuits out ready for them. When she looked closer she was surprised to find they were her favourites. A type of biscuit she had eaten all the time at home, but had been disappointed to find did not exist on Pete’s World.

“I wanted to do something nice to thank you for looking after me when I was upset yesterday.”

“We look after each other now Doctor, we have each other.” This was intended to be coherent, but Rose was too busy eating the biscuits to be entirely comprehendible. Still, the smile of sheer happiness on her face probably conveyed far more than her words would have done.

Once Rose had eaten several biscuits she turned to the Doctor.

“I need to know what happens. When it’s time, how will it happen?”

“I think, from what I could gather from the TARDIS, you will go to sleep as normal, but this time your body will come with you properly.”

“So I’ll just disappear?” Rose clarified.

“Kind of, yeah. As far as your family are concerned yeah, that is what they will see happen. Rose, it will take a lot of energy to do the transfer. Some of that energy will come from the TARDIS and some from you, so you need to make sure you look after yourself between now and then. You’ll probably be really tired when you do come through as well. I’m sorry, I wish there was an easier way.”

As though reading her mind, he drew her in for a tight hug, whispering “I’m sorry, I really am sorry,” into her hair. They didn’t stay like that for very long, but it made Rose feel inexplicably stronger. When she stood up she had the strength to ask the question she had been thinking for months.

“Can I ever see them again?”

The Doctor sighed, “I’ve actually been doing some calculations trying to work that out. It’s really difficult to work out with only projected data, I was going to tell you when I was sure, but I can’t be sure until the process is complete. When the TARDIS pulls you through it will leave a trace, a track, a tunnel if you will. She is creating a pathway using her pre-existing link to you, once she has brought you across that pathway will still exist. I’m not sure it is going to be big enough for the TARDIS and it just wouldn’t be safe to keep bringing you back and forth unprotected, nor am I sure either of you have the energy for that. There is a chance it is big enough for a projection, like when I said goodbye to you, or failing that possibly a message. Again, how often you would be able to do it and for how long at a time I just can’t say without accurate data. I know you want an answer now, but I’m just not able to give you one yet.”

Rose smiled, “It’s hope though. I wasn’t even sure there was hope.”

“Hope is a good emotion,” the Doctor grinned back at her, “and I will do my best for you, Rose. I know what it’s like to lose a family and I don’t want that for you.”

“You know, for a man who can’t bring himself to say three little words, you say it to me in so many other ways. I love you, Doctor.”

“Rose, you know how I feel. I will say it, when the time is right. I just want everything to be perfect for us this time.”

“Doctor, if I’m back with you, it will be perfect. This time we get our forever.”

\---

The week went fast; too fast and not fast enough at the same time. Rose gave her Mum the promised spa day, Mickey and Jake their evening at Jake’s place and she even completed her paperwork for Pete (not without moaning, however). Tony had a bedtime story every night and Rose left Torchwood Towers for the last time. Everyone had taken a day off work for her last day, an unheard of situation that may leave Torchwood at a disadvantage, but they all agreed the world owed them a proper goodbye.

In a completely unheard of situation, Tony slept in later than anybody else that morning. Jake had turned up early and Jackie had prepared a special breakfast for all of them, so it allowed them time as just adults together. Jackie, Mickey and Rose spent time laughing at how different their lives were on the estate. Pete laughed about missing the ‘stroppy teenager’ phase with Rose, which led Jackie to tell stories of Rose growing up. “She was a right madam,” was a phrase they heard a lot. Rose reminded her Mum that she had it easy compared to Shareen’s Mum.

When Tony woke up they indulged him for a bit, reading stories to him and playing games. At lunchtime they all took a picnic to the park, sitting lazily on the grass, watching Tony kick a tiny football around with Mickey. The day felt a little bit like waiting for the inevitable, but at the same time Rose was grateful for one last happy day with her family. She knew those memories would be important to her once she was home on the TARDIS.

That evening Mickey cooked a lovely meal. Rose had been really surprised when she was trapped in the parallel earth to find that Mickey had not only learnt to cook, but was actually good at it as well. He kept it simple – steak and Rose’s favourite chips, with a creamy peppercorn sauce. Neither of them could have imagined eating something as fancy when they were on the estate. Rose was lucky if she ever got more than oven pizza and chips with a beer in front of the footie. She enjoyed teasing him about how far he had come, but she knew she had made a similar transformation.

Tony was the highlight of dinner, babbling away throughout. Thanks to Rose, TARDIS and Doctor were now in his regular vocabulary, something Jackie was playfully disgruntled by. Pete just seemed rather proud that his son was interested in aliens so young. Rose knew he had once hoped that she would take over from him as director and was now hoping Tony would join him in what was essentially the family business. Tony certainly loved his planet toy set. Rose was trying to teach him to say the names of the planets before she left, but so far he only knew Earth and Mars. Currently he was happily chewing away at a handful of chips, although as many were escaping his mouth as entering it.

After dinner they all settled down together in the snug, Tony again choosing to sit with his Rose. They all took time to say the things that were important to them. It sounded formal, but it was important to all of them to leave this situation with no regrets. Pete started.

“Rose, I’m sorry for the way I acted when we first met. I know I’ve said it before, but you are my daughter and I am proud to have you as a daughter. I promise I will look after your Mum, she’ll always be loved and she’ll never want for anything.”

“I’m going to miss you, Dad. Growing up without a Father I never imagined I would even meet him. Then when I saw him die, I thought that was it. This time with you has been so important to me. Look after Torchwood for me, yeah, stop them from going the way of the other universe.”

“Consider it done.”

“Look Rose, I thought you were mad when we first met. I now know that I was right, but you’re also a solid team member and a good friend.” Rose didn’t think she’d ever seen Jake so serious.

“Thanks for having my back. Look after this useless lump for me!” she joked, pointing to Mickey.

“Oi!” Mickey replied indignantly, “Look Rose, we’ve been here before, we’ve said it all before. It’s always been the two of us. You and me from the old estate, flying through the stars, defending the earth. We had a laugh though, didn’t we? Make sure he looks after you, or I’ll find a way to give him what for!”

“Oh Mickey, you’ve always been there for me, through everything, always. I don’t know how ’m going to manage without you. Stay safe, yeah?”

Rose was struggling to keep her voice steady as she turned to her Mum. “Mum, I need to say thank you. I know it’s not always been easy. I know I’ve put you through it, but you made me strong enough to do this. You made me secure enough to go and have adventures and I’ll always be grateful, Mum.”

“Oh Rose, I need to check, are you sure? Do you really want to do this?”

“You know I have to go Mum, I’ll never be happy knowing I could have taken this chance and I didn’t. I love you, but it’s my time.”

“Then you make sure himself looks after you. He’s not too far away to slap if he doesn’t. I’m proud of you darling. You go and be amazing.”

Neither Jackie or Rose could help themselves then, both held onto the other as they let the tears fall.

“Mum,” Rose began within the safety of the embrace, “Mum, make sure Tony doesn’t forget me. Tell him about his big sister.”

Jackie pulled back to look at Rose’s tear stained face. “Oh Rose, in a family like this one,” she gestured around her, “he’s going to grow up knowing exactly how special his sister is.”

All of them hugged tightly. Rose lost track of who she had and hadn’t hugged, nobody was left who wasn’t crying. Even Tony was wandering around them all, holding onto people’s legs. Rose gave him a big hug and a kiss, but was too choked up to say anything more.

It didn’t seem to matter where Rose ‘slept’ as she knew she wasn’t going to be staying there so she lay down on the sofa and tried to enter the relaxed state necessary. Her Mum held her hand and she could see Pete holding Jackie supportively. She looked round one more time at them all, taking it all in through her watery eyes, took a deep breath and closed her eyes.

When she opened them again in the TARDIS, she ran straight to the Doctor and sobbed on his shoulder.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nearly done! I had so much fun writing this chapter so I really hope it doesn't disappoint. 
> 
> Big thanks to [Super_Powerful_Queen_Slayyna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/super_powerful_queen_slayyna/works) for betaing.

Rose clung to the Doctor, clung to him like he was the only thing that would stop her from drowning. The Doctor just gently pulled her across to the captain’s chair, where she sat and sobbed in his arms. When she did finally speak her voice cracked and she took big gulps of air between sentences “’m s-sorry. ‘s just so much harder than I thought it would be. Saying g’bye. You know?”

“I know,” he soothed softly as he stroked her back gently, “I really do know.”

Eventually though Rose cried herself out and she just sat against the Doctor, emotionally exhausted and almost in a state of shock. The Doctor just let her sit there, holding her carefully. When she finally lifted her head up to reveal tear tracks and smudged mascara, he held her hand and pulled her softly down the corridor.

“Go and sit in the lounge, I’ll bring you a cup of tea.”

Rose went without question, looking a bit shell shocked. She was coming out of the shock slowly, but it had hit her far harder than she imagined it would. Somehow she thought she would handle it in a similar way to when she returned to the Game Station, or when she wouldn’t let the Doctor send her away to the parallel world. It was only when it came to saying goodbye that she realised there was no threat to keep her family safe from, no danger she had to rush towards to help the Doctor. This was her making a careful, considered choice about her future, no acting first and thinking later.

By the time the Doctor appeared with her cup of tea, Rose was a little bit brighter. She accepted the tea with a small smile and leaned into his side when he sat next to her. “I’m pleased to be here, I promise I have no regrets. I just didn’t realise it would be so hard.”

“Rose, I lost my family, my whole world. You met me afterwards, you know what I was like. Don’t apologise for finding it hard. You saved me then, it’s my turn now.” He kissed the top of her head. “Do you want to watch your favourite?” Rose nodded softly and the Doctor shuffled to reach the remote. Soon the sweet melody of Beauty and the Beast filled the room and Rose sipped her tea. Between the familiar notes filling the air, the heady scent of the Doctor and the comfortable cushion he provided, Rose soon found her eyes were closing. It had been an exhausting day and she didn’t fight it. The Doctor and her had their forever now, it could wait until the morning.

The next morning Rose woke in her bed on the TARDIS and smiled as she realised the Doctor must have carried her through after she had fallen asleep. A good night’s sleep had done her a lot of good. Of course she was still sad about saying goodbye to her family, but she was also excited to start her life again.

“Good afternoon!” Donna exclaimed when Rose wandered blearily through into the kitchen.

“Afternoon? You are joking?”

“No, it’s like 3pm. You don’t half sleep do you?”

“Leave her alone, Donna,” the Doctor appeared from behind her, “the TARDIS drained a lot of energy from her to make the transfer, I did warn you that it would make you tired, Rose. I’m surprised you’re awake now.”

“Is that why I was so emotional last night? I knew it would be hard, but it didn’t expect it to hit me that hard.”

“It will have been part of the reason, yeah,” he sucked in a breath, “I mean it will have been your dominant emotion, exacerbated by exhaustion. We need to take it easy today, but another long sleep and you should be fine.”

“Tea, Rose? Mr Hyperactive over there has already had far too much caffeine, but there’s some left in the pot if you want one.”

“Hey!” The Doctor pouted, which somehow gave him the impression of a spoilt child.

“Oh come on and sit down. I want to hear Rose tell me about one of those planets you say don’t exist!”

“I would never lie to you, Donna!” the Doctor sounded indignant again.

“Maybe not directly,” she muttered in response.

“Come on you two, let’s plan where we’re going tomorrow,” Rose interrupted. She had a feeling she was going to be doing a lot of peacekeeping now, these two were like brother and sister.

“Well, if Rose is still drained from this transfer, then maybe we should go somewhere safe for a change. Running for your life isn’t exactly in keeping with resting.”

The Doctor chose to ignore the implied insult to his driving in favour of looking delighted at Donna’s concern for Rose. Rose on the other hand was quick to shut down any implication that she may not be at full steam however true, or not, that may be.

“What about a sunset, I haven’t seen a sunset for years!” Rose suggested enthusiastically, Donna smiled and the Doctor looked thoughtful.

“I think I know just the place,” the Doctor mused. “What about temperature though, they tend to have extremes of temperature depending on the season, so would you prefer hot or cold?”

“Hot!” Donna and Rose replied in unison, grinning at each other.

“Now we’ve decided where we’re going then, I’m going to take my tea to the pool. You’re all welcome to join me, but I expect you’ll be ‘catching up’, if you know what I mean!”

The Doctor blushed and Rose looked indignantly at Donna as she left the room leaving a silence behind her.

“She’s right, we do have catching up to do,” the Doctor broke the silence and Rose spluttered.

“That is, I mean, not like that, although I would if you wanted to, but I don’t mean…” his words trailed off and he looked pleadingly at Rose.

“I know what you mean, Doctor,” she laughed, “it has been two years since we have done more than sit on a sofa together.”

“Come with me,” the Doctor said simply, taking her hand and leading her through the corridors. Mentally Rose was trying to work out where he was taking her, but until they stood outside a familiar door she just couldn’t work it out. He had brought her to the gardens.

As the door opened, Rose got a vision of a flash of colour, which grew into a long ivy coloured archway with shades of beautiful purple, yellow and pink at the end of the archway. The gardens were not a place Rose used to come to often, but they looked just as perfectly presented as she remembered.

The Doctor continued to lead her through to wherever he had in mind. Rose wasn’t good at identifying plants having lived in a flat for most of her life, but she did recognise the occasional one as they twisted along a walkway next to colourful plant beds, grassy spaces and bushes of various sizes. It didn’t take long before they walked across stepping stones to an open grassy area in front of a pond. In the middle of the lawn was a picnic blanket with a wicker picnic basket

“It was supposed to be lunch, but it will work just as well as breakfast.”

Rose looked delighted, “You did this for me?”

“Of course! Your first day back, normally I would have taken you somewhere special, but you’re not up to that yet, so I brought special to you.” Rightfully the Doctor looked very pleased with himself, rocking on his heels he spoke.

It was a gorgeous picnic, both for the food and the company. The Doctor had clearly thought about the foods he had packed as some of her favourites were there. By the time she had finished eating, Rose felt full to bursting. She ignored the Doctor telling her food would help replace the energy she had lost though – she wanted to eat because the food was good, not because it would help her energy levels. Instead, she told the Doctor about the gifts she had prepared for her family. Cards to be delivered on their birthdays, letters hidden around the house, flowers for her mum on a random day once a year. Fortunately Torchwood was a big company with a lot of resources, so it had been easy to leave it in their hands once she had sorted out the details.

When they had finished the food they decided to take a walk around part of the gardens, so they strolled leisurely, hand in hand around the pond and the lawns. Sometimes they would talk about something, but most of the time they just walked in comfortable silence. Both of them just soaking up the fact that they were together again, properly together. No time limits, no interruptions, just the two of them. She chose not to talk about their relationship, there would be plenty of time for that and she didn’t want to spoil their first proper day together. 

By early evening however, Rose was ready to sleep again. The Doctor didn’t complain when she reluctantly said she needed to go to bed. She hadn’t particularly felt the lack of energy during the day, but then she hadn’t done anything more strenuous than stroll around the gardens either. She poked her head around the pool where she found Donna finishing a book and wished her goodnight on her way to bed.

Rose woke up later than she normally would, but not unreasonably so. By the time she had showered and dressed she felt excited and ready to go. Her first alien planet in two years. Her job at Torchwood was good, but not this good! In the excitement she nearly forgot she needed to eat breakfast first, but her stomach reminded her as she passed the kitchen.

A quick slice of toast later and she was heading into the console room, where she found Donna and the Doctor waiting for her.

“Better timing this morning Donna?” Rose said in way of greeting.

“Ooh hello Sleeping Beauty, decided to see the morning this morning did you?”

“Ahh well, lying around in bed all day gets boring – I’ve got planets to see.”

“I’ll hold both of you to that next time you want a lie in!” the Doctor exclaimed, although the reply was a resounding ‘don’t you dare’ from both women.

“Come on, no point being awake if we spent all day talking about doing stuff,” the Doctor proceeded to pull them both outside.

The sky was a beautiful light purple, flecked with pale pink. In front of them stretched rocky hills, reaching out towards the sky, encircling a pale purple lake. The suns shone brightly at opposite ends of the sky, but the temperature felt like a beautiful British summer’s day, stopping just short of being overwhelming.

“Ooh I have missed this!” exclaimed Rose as she looked around excitedly. “Different ground beneath my feet, different sky above my head!” she turned to the Doctor. “Doctor, I’m so glad I could come back. I love this and I’ve missed you.” The Doctor just linked their arms together and grinned happily. The two of them stood grinning at each other for a short while, until Donna coughed loudly to get their attention.

“I didn’t come here to spend all day with two lovesick teenagers. Are we going to explore, or do I need to go and get a drink while you two stare into each other’s eyes.” Her words were sharp, but her tone was teasing. Her body language said she was amused at the change in her brooding Doctor and not particularly unhappy about it either.

Rose grabbed Donna and they set off at a run over the pale grass that rippled in the non-existent breeze. Neither of them knew where they were going, but they trusted the Doctor to warn them if they were going in the wrong direction. Both of them could hear him in the background complaining about being ‘ganged up on’, which only served to amuse them more.

Before long, they found themselves in a restaurant directly on the shore of the lake, watching it lap at the sides of the rocks. They were the only ones in there, which suited them just fine as they were still adjusting to being a group of three. Donna remarked how much her Gramps would love this place, which led to her describing his love of the stars and space. The Doctor smiled fondly as she spoke and Rose hoped she would get to meet Wilf one day. It was an afternoon of lazy eating (the style of food reminded Rose of meze – a selection of small dishes served throughout the afternoon), occasionally another customer would come in for a drink, but nobody stayed long and all seemed content to leave the trio admiring the view.

After they had finished the food, the manager came to take their plates away and check on how they had found the service.

“Sirs, may I ask if you are intending to watch the light show tonight?” The Doctor indicated that they were and he continued. “Sirs, we are very grateful for your patron, but can we advise that the view is best from the landrise.”

The Doctor seemed to think this was an entirely normal statement and continued on discussing details with the manager, whilst Rose and Donna exchanged bewildered looks. Eventually, the Doctor seemed to reach an agreement, handed over some money, received some bottles, shook the manager’s hand and indicated it was time for them to leave.

As they were walking away, Rose asked, “Are you going to tell us what that was all about then?”

“Oh, it’s quite simple really. The lightshow is what they call the sunset and the landrise are the hills. He was saying we should watch it from there. He gave us some drinks to enjoy while we watch it.”

The climb seemed long, although after two years in the field with Torchwood it didn’t seem so bad to Rose. The Doctor’s long legs strode over the rocks with little to no difficulty, even Donna didn’t find it too bad, until they reached the top and the terrain changed to a steep, smooth rock. The view at the top was worth it though, they sat on a rocky outcrop, overhanging the pale purple lake that stretched as far as the eye could see. The descending light was glinting off the lake, while little boats bobbed around gently or glided across the water, creating a truly beautiful outlook. The three of them sat with their legs overhanging the edge. As they waited for the suns to near the end of their slow descent the Doctor handed the beers round (Rose said it was beer, the Doctor insisted it was a local delicacy and nothing to do with hops). Rose sat next to the Doctor, her sides touching his, while Donna sat slightly further away, but still next to Rose. None of them said much, all mesmerised by the light show being unveiled in front of them, one of them occasionally bringing their beer up to take a sip. In time with the setting sun, Rose found her head sinking onto the Doctor’s shoulder. At times one of them would point something beautiful out to the others, but on the whole the place seemed too peaceful to break the silence.

When the suns reached the end of their descent, so they were touching the lake, the sky grew a deep purple and flashes of pink streaked across the sky. It was like a version of the Northern Lights and Rose felt it might just be the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. As the suns made their final dip beneath the lake, lights of different colours shot up from the surface of the lake, into the vast purple sky. They resembled fireworks, but were entirely natural. Rose lifted her head up to get a better perspective on the mesmerising sight.

Rose turned to the Doctor to find he was watching her in delight. Before she had time to think about what she was doing, her head was coming to meet his, their lips meeting in a joyful dance. When Rose’s brain caught up to her body and realised what she was doing she had a split second of panic, before she realised the Doctor was kissing her back. She deepened the kiss in disbelief and delight.

When she eventually drew back for air, the Doctor looked her in the eye, grinning, making it perfectly clear he was a more than willing participant. He reached for her hand and pressed a kiss to it.

“I love you, Rose Tyler,” he said simply, the three most beautiful words Rose had ever heard. Her heart did somersaults, she opened her mouth to reply and both of them jumped when Donna whooped in delight next to Rose.

“About time too, Spaceman! She’s got 2 years on you!” she exclaimed as the Doctor spluttered speechless. Rose rectified the situation by kissing him again, letting him know exactly what she thought about his declaration of love.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry it has taken me so long to update this, I wasn't counting on ending up in hospital! I'm going to put the last two chapters up at once to make up for it though. Enjoy! As always thanks to [Super_Powerful_Queen_Slayyna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/super_powerful_queen_slayyna/works) for betaing!

It was as close to perfect as it was possible to be. Rose still missed her family, but the pain settled to a dull ache. Donna and Rose rapidly developed a close friendship and Rose loved having another girl aboard the TARDIS. The Doctor and her only grew closer, if that was at all possible. He was sweet, attentive and took her to some gorgeous places. Rose even found the TARDIS was indulgent of their reunions, only taking them to safe places.

Eventually though, as wonderful as their safe lifestyle was, all three of them started to get itchy feet. Safe was lovely, but it could also be boring. Adventure was when you saw the absolute best in people, when you saw the truth in a place and in yourself. Adventure was when the memories happened. Donna and Rose laughed at the thought of what their past selves would think if they could see how much their present selves longed for danger and excitement.

Finally, about a month and a half after Rose had returned to the TARDIS, the TARDIS landed them on a planet where people kept their heads down and didn’t make eye contact. She had obviously decided it was time to return to normal and the trio could not have been more delighted about it. At first they decided to just walk around and get a feel for the situation. They looked for someone who looked vaguely rebellious so they could begin to ask their questions. It didn’t actually take long before they saw a woman who briefly made eye contact before bustling off. Although the three of them followed her, she did not seem surprised because she kept shooting furtive glances over her shoulder.

Roughly five minutes later the woman stopped, looked a bit more carefully around her and then knocked on an ordinary looking blue door. It swung open and the woman was bundled inside. The man looked at the three of them carefully for what must have only been a second, but felt like longer and then they too were bundled inside.

“Better not regret this,” they heard him mumble as he led them down a dark flight of stairs. At the bottom of the stairs was a rough clay archway, which led into a large, well lit, underground space with a group of about ten people in. Apart from the secret entrance, it looked every bit like a support group, with everyone sat in a circle and posters on the wall.

As usual the Doctor hijacked the meeting, taking a chair and stating simply, in that way he had, “Tell me what’s going on.”

For whatever reason, exactly as Rose remembered, they began to trust him instantly, with the woman they had followed stepping forwards and explaining the situation:

A year ago, a young Prince called Aaral took the throne. It all seemed like a smooth transition at first, but then the laws started. No congregating in groups of more than 4, all marriages must be approved personally by himself. Everything down to the very clothes they wore began to be legislated. Anyone found to be disobeying the rules was seized and thrown in prison, prison conditions had worsened over the course of the year. It hadn’t seemed too bad at first, but now most people knew someone who had been taken, either because they had broken the rules, or as a way to keep people on their toes. Everyone became too scared to be seen outside and the city had all but shut down.

Rose watched as Donna became more and more outraged, mirroring what she was sure her expression was also showing. She hated dictatorships, she just didn’t understand why one person thought they could control everyone else. There was nothing else that got under her skin in quite the same way.

Consequently, when the woman (Drishti) said that they were a resistance group, attempting to dethrone the King, Rose stepped forwards and asked, “What can we do to help?”

It turned out the resistance actually had a reasonable plan. One of them was currently working at the prison so as to provide the group with an ‘in’. He thought that he could get uniforms for a few of them and therefore provide them with enough of a cover to infiltrate and free the prison. Donna volunteered to help with that and Rose knew her brash exterior would convince people she belonged.

A second group planned to pose as servants and infiltrate the palace. Rose and the Doctor volunteered for this, only half thinking of that fateful day in the parallel universe. Another group was going to coordinate both groups, hopefully leading the prisoners to the palace to provide numbers to reinforce the (hopefully peaceful) protest and negotiation. Rose tried to persuade the Doctor he would be an asset to that group, but he remained adamant he should stay with her.

With a plan in place everyone quickly scattered. Rose and the Doctor hugged Donna and wished her good luck, before moving on with the palace group. There were not a large number of them, the group being only thirteen including the three of them, but there were 5 going to the prison, 5 going to the palace and three in the coordinating group. Rose thought in terms of infiltration it would work well being less of them – the usual staff would notice if there were too many new faces. She had even questioned if 5 were too many, but had been reassured both the prison and the palace were big enough and anonymous enough for that not to be a problem. Plus with the way people were keeping their heads down and not interacting with each other, people did not know each other as well as they would otherwise.

Although the group travelled together, they kept a safe distance between themselves and made sure to keep their heads down, just like the people they passed. Whilst they acted like the others, nobody paid them any attention. Rose found it really hard, her natural curiosity had been honed when she had met the Doctor. She had learnt to look and observe everything, not just to see what was happening, but also to recognise danger. However hard she found it though, she imagined the Doctor found it worse. Not only was he naturally curious like her, but he was incredibly sociable as well. He also wasn’t good at boundaries. His instincts must have been to go storming in, rather than sticking to the subtle approach.

Her hand was itching to reach out for his, when she had been stranded in the parallel universe, she had spent months reaching out for his hand, only to find it missing. Now she had it back again, it felt painful not being able to hold it.

As much as she tried to act like everyone else, Rose couldn’t help but gawp when they reached the palace. Grand just didn’t cover it, it vaguely resembled the pictures she had seen of the Taj Mahal, but it was gold plated and there was not an ounce of subtlety about it.

If this was where the king lived, Rose couldn’t help but feel it reflected his personality. She was relieved when they were beckoned to hurry through a side door, which fortunately turned out to be a uniform store. They found uniforms there and hurried to put them on. Then they split up and spread out, instructed to locate the king and prepare for backup. Nobody was to make a move until backup arrived, but all were to move on the king when they got the signal.

Everyone except Rose and the Doctor went their separate ways. Rose had set off purposefully when they had split up and was surprised the Doctor had followed her. She slowed down so it looked more natural for both of them, she wasn’t rushing and he wasn’t chasing. Neither of them dared communicate nor acknowledge the other. The decoration, or sudden appearance of decoration made it so clear when they exited the servants’ quarters; it reminded her of the Upstairs Downstairs reruns her Mum had loved to watch and made her hate this place even more.

She heard raised voices and without a thought picked her pace up again to head in that direction. What she found was a childhood picture of a king on a throne, although he looked more like a spoilt child, bright red in the face, yelling at a poor servant girl. She stepped forward instinctually to say something, or step in, but she felt the Doctor’s arm pulling her back. She tried shooting him a questioning glance, but he just shook his head. Instead, she went to the corner of the room, where she could keep an eye on him and made as though she was sorting a pile of dusty books.

Unfortunately for her, she had made a mistake she never would have made a few years ago. Never underestimate the Doctor. She cursed under her breath as she saw him step up and greet the king. On the one hand it was amusing to watch the king’s reaction go from bewilderment, to tolerance, to annoyance, to wondering how the situation had got so far out of their control. On the other hand, she wasn’t sure why the Doctor had stopped her from stepping up and dealing with it. She’d dealt with plenty of psychopaths in her time in Torchwood. She trusted the Doctor had a plan, however, so maintained her cover. Somehow, he managed to talk his way out of the situation he had talked himself into, the servant girl had long since fled and Rose was following the Doctor back out of the room.

She was about to question him when one of the members of the resistance came rushing over, looking upset.

“Those at the prison were discovered! They’ve all been taken into the general prison, including your friend. I’m so sorry, Doctor.”

Forgetting the need for cover they both ran, straight out of the palace and all the way to the prison. Only once they got there did they pause to tuck themselves out of sight, but with a clear view of the goings on. That was when they spotted the king striding purposefully along towards and into the prison, obviously news of 5 people impersonating guards was enough to bring him out of his palace.

“Doctor, I have to go in. I can pass through unnoticed and find a way to get Donna and the others out of there. Donna will be terrified, Doctor, and you know she’ll talk herself into a hole with the King.”

“No! We need to stick together, Rose!”

“You can’t go in there, Doctor, you spent 5 minutes winding the King up, he’s not going to forget your face that quickly!”

“I’ll manage, come on.”

Rose was right, no sooner had they stepped foot inside the prison, than the King spotted the Doctor and called out for him to be arrested. Fortunately, she went unrecognised and the chaos allowed her to slip through unnoticed.

Compared to the luxury of the palace, the prison felt as though it belonged on a different planet. Clay walls and utilitarian finishes made for a very bleak outlook and an almost unfinished feel. Rose slipped from crook to crevice, acting every bit like she belonged anytime someone saw her. This was not the first time she had infiltrated somewhere, both with the Doctor and most especially in the years without him. Torchwood provided regular training for their field agents on infiltration. Admittedly with Torchwood it had never been a prison, but the principles remained the same.

Her priority was finding Donna, the Doctor could look after himself, but she knew with Donna’s fiery temper she would look after herself too well and end up in worse trouble. It was purely a guess, but she imagined that important prisoners such as those responsible for impersonating guards, would be held towards the back of the prison. Away from other prisoners and held as securely as possible.

Helpfully, she could hear Donna shouting about how she was going to sue someone, so it was just a case of following the shouting. What she found was a cell with clay walls and a single, old fashioned door with 2 guards stationed outside. It looked quite big, so Rose guessed all 5 of the resistance were in there. She had an idea, but first she needed to find an object. Something long and thin. Retracing her steps she found a huge dining room, full of lost looking people sat on rickety looking wooden chairs, silent, staring into their food.

Quietly and subtly, Rose slipped onto a chair next to a man who was sat alone.

“Hey, ‘m Rose,” she introduced herself quietly.

“Talking isn’t allowed, Rose, you’ll get us both in trouble,” he whispered back.

“Look, I know this place comes with free meals and stuff, but don’t you want to y’ know, escape?”

“Escape is impossible, have you not seen this place?”

“Yeah, I have. There are so so many more of you than them. All you would need to do is band together. I mean the walls are made of clay, ‘s not exactly secure. They’re holding you here out of fear, nothing else. Plus, the King is in the building right now. There has never been a more perfect opportunity to overthrow the whole system than now. There are 5 resistance members being held right now and I’m going to free them, we can help, but I need you to follow my lead.”

The man thought for a minute, before nodding.

“Food fight!” Rose yelled, falling back on a time honoured distraction technique and throwing a piece of slop from the man’s plate at someone across the room. It was only when the man next to her joined in that people started to respond. At first the guards stood in bewilderment, they had never had a prisoner stand up before and they didn’t know quite what to do. By the time they realised what was happening, they had the very promising start to a rapidly building food fight. Rose felt the distraction was enough for her to lift a chair up and slam it on the floor, snapping a leg off. She grabbed the leg and slipped out of the door and back down the corridor. As she got there, the guards started to hear the noise and ran in the direction of the dining hall. With the place to herself, she swung the chair leg against the wall near the door, where she imagined it to be a weak spot. Fortunately she was right and bits of clay started shooting off. It was slow going, but Rose could hear the food fight had built into something resembling a riot so she knew she had time. The people inside had gone very quiet, probably concerned about what was happening between the noise of the riot and her knocking the wall through.

It didn’t take long for a small gap in the wall to appear, just about big enough for a hand and Rose put her face to it.

“Donna, Donna are you in there?” Rose shouted through.

“Rose!” she could hear the relief in Donna’s voice.

“I’m working on getting you out, but you need to stay away from the wall until the hole is big enough.”

She saw Donna step back and she continued hacking at the wall. Fortunately, once she started working on widening the hole, the clay came away quite quickly. When the hole was roughly the size of a window, Rose stepped back and the five occupants clambered through, Rose was very pleased to notice a redhead amongst them, who flung herself at Rose.

“I am so glad you came!”

“Donna, we’re a team. Someone had to save you from deafening that prince!”

“Oi! I was going to do worse than that!”

“Exactly. Anyway,” turning to the others, “Right guys, if you go in that direction, you’ll come across the beginnings of a riot, reinforcement is definitely needed. Donna, you need to come with me, we’ve got another rescue mission to mount.”

“And you were worried about me?” Donna exclaimed, “he’ll talk the ears of them before we can get there!”

“They’re going to be ready to shoot by now, aren’t they?”

“I’d say so! Where is he?”

“With the King.”

“Oh good.”

Sure enough, once they got towards the front of the building, they only had to follow the groans of the guards and the Doctor’s voice, in chief babble mode. He appeared to be giving them a lesson on nuclear fission. Unsurprisingly, the guards were looking longingly at their guns.

Rose pulled Donna into a crevice where they could remain unnoticed while they observed. Looking at the guns gave Rose an idea. They were laser pistols and a bit like sonic blasters, also run on batteries. She also happened to know they had a slight tendency to overshoot to the left, something only an experienced marksman would know and compensate for.

“Donna, I’m going to do something really stupid, be ready to take the Doctor the moment the guards are distracted. I’ll deal with these guards and the two of you should go and deal with the King. He has been in power far too long already.”

“Do I want to know what you’re going to do?”

“Probably not. Be ready.” With those parting words Rose stepped out from behind the crevice and slowly sauntered towards them.

“Hi guys! I bet all this talk is doing your head in! It’s your lucky day, the prisoners are rioting and they need both of you in the dining hall, I’ve been sent to relieve you, the King wants to see him now anyway.” She gestured to the Doctor who was staring at her incredulously.

Despite the fact she wasn’t dressed like a guard and didn’t look a bit like a guard, she said it with such authority the guards actually let her get close before they realised what was happening. By that time, she was stood close to one guard, but at an odd angle to the other guard. She laughed at the guns levelled at her.

“Go on then, shoot me!” she exclaimed, hearing a muffled cry from the Doctor, she didn’t dare look, but she was guessing Donna had pulled him away. As both guards shot, Rose jumped to the right, towards the near guard and away from the laser shots. That put her in a prime position to pluck the gun out of the close guard’s hands. She levelled the gun at the far guard and spoke to them both,

“Now, I would run away if I were you. I do happen to know how to use this and there really is a riot happening in the dining hall. I would say it won’t be long before your king is overthrown and where does that leave you?”

Ignoring the curse words that came from his mouth, Rose watched as they made their decisions, keeping her gun levelled at the guard with a gun. It didn’t take long. The guy without a gun swore once more and ran off. The other guard firmed his stance.

“Well in that case, I’m really sorry, but you give me no choice.” And she fired her gun at the ceiling. Being a clay ceiling it would do very little more than knock him off his feet and give him a headache so she needed to find something to tie him up with. That was when the Doctor appeared and he looked cross. Wordlessly, he handed her a piece of rope, which she used to secure his hands. Together, they found a broom cupboard to shut him in, Donna lingering nervously in the background.

“Normally,” she started hesitantly, “I would give you two space to sort out whatever it is that is hanging in the air between you, but given we still have an entitled King on the loose can we save the explosion until we get back to the TARDIS?”

Both of them nodded curtly. Rose wasn’t sure why the Doctor was upset. She felt annoyed rather than upset or cross. Annoyed that the Doctor had got himself captured, even though she had warned him it would happen, annoyed that he hadn’t gone with Donna to sort the King out when he was rescued. A suspicion was growing in the back of her mind, but she chose to push it to one side in favour of finishing what they had started here; there would be time to explore it later.

When they found the King, he was hiding in a spare room. Rose almost pitied him. Almost. As she was allowed an unguarded look at the King, she saw that her suspicions of a teenage tantrum were probably correct. He looked as though he was in his late teens, right now he looked terrified.

Rose softened her stance in response to the information she had just discovered.

“Look, mate, it’s over. From what I hear the guards stand no chance against that riot. Your people are angry. The way I see it, you have two choices, you can go out there and admit you were wrong and let the people choose what to do, or you can hide and they will hunt you down and still decide what to do with you, but look upon you far less favourably.”

The King gave a wry smile, “I only wanted to be a good leader, good leaders are strong and powerful, they give lots of rules and their people adore them.”

Donna interrupted, “Have you got your idea of being a King from a video game? People don’t want strong and powerful, people want someone who knows them, understands them and tries to help them, not forces them to live in fear!”

“But how do I do that? I thought the rules I put into place were to help them.”

“You need to listen to them, talk to them, spend time with them. Ask them what their problems are, ask them about their day. Have a way for them to communicate with you, letters or a drop in session. Hold events and invite the people, show them you are one of them,” Rose spoke passionately.

“This has never been done before, but I can see how this would make me a great King, a good leader!” his voice building in excitement as he spoke, before losing his enthusiasm. “I’ve really messed this up, haven’t I? But it’s too late to fix it now.” 

“It’s never too late to fix it,” the Doctor spoke this time. “We can arrange for them to listen to you. Go out there and tell them you were wrong, tell them what you have learnt and what you want to do differently. Give them the choice. They might not want you as King after all that has happened, but maybe after hearing you speak, hearing about the changes you want to make, they will decide to give you a chance.”

The King nodded, “Yes, I will do that, but how do I convince them I’m serious?”

“I recommend a woman by the name of Drishti, she could become your advisor. It’s an easy step to make immediately and gives a very powerful message that you are serious.”

With the King convinced, Rose and Donna went to talk to the people, while the Doctor stayed with the King. The three of them watched when the King took the stage (a table in the dining room) and gave an impassioned speech. They watched the crowds turn from almost mutinous, to being far more favourable. Drishti looked shocked and delighted when the King offered to make her his advisor. That was the moment they knew he had won the crowds round. It wouldn’t be easy, but he had managed to persuade them to give him another chance.

The three of them walked away then, their work done. Nothing had changed, they didn’t like grand gestures or fanfares. Just the knowledge that everything was going to be alright.

As they walked back towards the TARDIS the atmosphere between the Doctor and Rose was still a little bit tense, but working together to help the King choose the right path had softened it considerably.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it. The final chapter - I really hope you enjoyed this and it didn't disappoint! 
> 
> As always, thanks to [Super_Powerful_Queen_Slayyna](https://archiveofourown.org/users/super_powerful_queen_slayyna/works) for betaing!

Donna left them the moment they got onto the TARDIS. She didn’t even bother to give an excuse, just asking them to let her know when it was safe to come out.

When the Doctor had come to her with the rope, she had expected a blazing row when they had the time. With the atmosphere softened, Rose suggested they talk things over with a cup of tea, they always seemed to do their best talking over a cup of tea. Consequently, they ended up sat in the snug, rather than the console room. Unusually for them however, they didn’t sit entwined upon the sofa. Rose had been tempted to, but she knew it would only make it harder for them to talk.

“Look, do you want to start,” she asked, “’m not cross, I just have stuff we need to talk about, so you should start.”

“I’m cross because you used a gun, Rose, you know how I feel about guns!”

“So I was supposed to, what, let him shoot me, then? It wasn’t my gun, I only took it off him!”

“But you used it and you said yourself you know how to use it. The Rose I knew wouldn’t have used a gun.”

That stung and they both knew it, but despite the hurt, Rose drew a deep breath and tried to remain calm. “Yeah, but that was before I worked for Torchwood for 2 years, Doctor. It’s different. I can’t rely on regeneration and fancy technology. Yes, I learnt how to use a gun. Yes, I even carried a gun on occasional field missions, but I never drew it unless I had to. Even then, I would always shoot away from the person if I had the slightest choice. Just like I did today. I never had any intention of shooting that guard, Doctor, I just didn’t want him to shoot me while I was talking!”

“You picked a gun up and you fired it. There’s always another way, Rose!”

“Yeah, I fired it at the ceiling! That gun was fired nowhere near him!”

“But it was fired near you!”

The connections fired in Rose’s brain and suddenly a lot of things made sense. The suspicion she had had earlier suddenly came back to her.

“Is that what this is about, Doctor? Not that I fired a gun at a ceiling, but that I was in the line of fire?”

“You could have died, I could have lost you again!”

“It was a calculated risk, I knew those guns and I knew they overshot to the left. I also knew he had a bad shot anyway. By jumping to the right, not only did I put myself in a position to take one of the guns out of the way, but I could almost guarantee that the gun would fire nowhere near me. There was nobody around to get caught in the shot. You know my reflexes are good. They always have been and my time in Torchwood has honed them. I would never have taken that chance against trained soldiers, but these were ordinary people who had been handed a gun.”

“It doesn’t make me feel any better hearing you talk about how much you know about guns now.”

“Knowing about them makes it easier not to carry one. You always taught me to know your enemy. Know what you’re up against, like we did with the Slitheen. Sometimes your enemy is the gun.”

The Doctor didn’t say anything to that, he just sipped his tea. Rose guessed he was thinking about what she had said so she decided to press on with her advantage.

“This still isn’t really about the guns though is it? You wouldn’t let Donna and I go shopping by ourselves, you wouldn’t be on a different team to me today and you wouldn’t let me go into the prison by myself, even though we both knew you would be arrested the moment you were seen there. What’s this really about, Doctor?”

She was shocked when, after a moment of thought, he looked at her with such raw emotional vulnerability in his eyes it took her breath away.

“Doctor?”

“I don’t want to – I can’t lose you again. I barely got through it the first time. You’ve changed so much, you’re so confident and capable and I really am proud, but I’m scared you’ll get hurt, or worse. When I saw you jump away from that laser today, I thought it was going to hit you. I thought I was going to have to watch you die in front of me.”

Rose took a moment to think about what he had said.

“Doctor, I don’t want to lose you either. Living without you was hard. There were days I didn’t think I could get through. There were days I wouldn’t have got through without my family. I built a life worth living because the only way I could cope with not having you with me was to make sure you would be proud of me. Being back here with you is something I didn’t dare believe was possible. I have nights where I still lie awake, terrified that something will take me away from you again.” She paused for breath and to allow her statement to sink in.

“The thing is, Doctor, we can’t live our lives without ever leaving the other’s side. It’s probably more dangerous not to play to our strengths and both of us would grow to resent the other if we never had any time apart. It’s harder for you because I have always trusted you, I’ve always known you could handle yourself.”

She saw the look in his eyes then and paused to reassure him, “Just let me finish. I know you’ve always trusted me, but when I first stepped through those doors, I was a 19 year old shop girl, desperate for adventure, but completely lost. I could handle myself on the streets of London, but give me an alien planet and I just stumbled through, trying to be good enough for you. I learnt as well, I know I did. The only reason any of us were in that rocket on Krop Tor is because I showed the others a way out, I helped to get the Isolus back home when you were stuck as a picture. I started to become good enough, but I was still just a child playing at it, using other people to make it happen. I had two years’ worth of learning and growing up whilst I was completely separated from you and then I’ve come back and you have to adjust to that. We both have the relearn who the other is, but it is harder for you because I have changed. You need to learn to trust me again because we’ll drive each other away if we don’t.”

The Doctor sighed, “You’re right, or you’re nearly right anyway. It was stupid of me to get cross with you about the guns, when you were only in that position because I couldn’t bear to leave you. I do trust you though, more than anyone else. You are the one thing I believe in still, but I just forget how far you’ve come. I let my fears take over and I see you as that 19 year old girl, full of such enthusiasm and potential, but so inexperienced.”

“Where do we go from here?” Rose asked. “We know there is a problem, we know what the problem is. How do we find our balance again?”

“We start again,” The Doctor said, “we were so caught up in the joy of being together again that we’ve not allowed ourselves to be apart. We’ve not built it up as we should have done. Rose Tyler, do you fancy a shopping trip?”

An hour later, Rose and Donna were wandering around a market town, looking at the unique items on display, but mainly just enjoying the atmosphere and the company. The Doctor had agreed to stay on the TARDIS and recalibrate the time rotors if Rose and Donna kept their phones on them and checked in every hour.

“If we get a shopping trip every time you two argue, can you argue more often?” Donna asked, clearly amused by the turn of events.

“We didn’t even argue in the end. We just need to find our balance again. The first time it happened naturally as I grew in confidence and knew what I was doing bit by bit. This time, I’ve done all of that away from him and he’s feeling held back by being scared to lose me again.”

“You know, I saw him just after he lost you. I have never seen anyone look more broken in my life. I was so distracted by what was happening to me that I didn’t register it until later, but he was quite literally nothing without you. He worked past it of course, but there was always something behind his eyes. His smile never quite reached his eyes. He’s like a new man with you around. Don’t tell him I said this, but he’s a better person with you around. You’re good for him. If I could find someone who loves me the way he loves you, I would be very happy.”

When they returned, Rose was pleased to notice that the Doctor was actually underneath the grating, deep in TARDIS repairs and not anxiously waiting for her return. It didn’t take long for him to notice them and he bounded up and over towards them, giving Rose a kiss by way of greeting. After he released Rose, she told him that her and Donna were going for a swim and that he could join them if he wanted when he had finished with the TARDIS. He offered to join them straight away, but the TARDIS flashed indignantly at him leaving her incomplete.

As a result, Donna and Rose were already in the pool by the time the Doctor arrived. Rose looked admiringly at the Doctor in just a pair of swimming shorts, whilst Donna exclaimed, “Just when I think you can’t get any more skinny! I’m surprised they do shorts that small!” and then squealed as the Doctor enacted his revenge by dive bombing into the pool. Rose felt far more relaxed since they had talked things over, but she did just have one more question for the Doctor.

“You don’t really think I’m not your Rose anymore, do you?”

The Doctor looked shocked and then he obviously remembered his comment from earlier. “I think you are just as much my Rose, if not more so.” He punctuated his comments with tiny kisses that left Rose feeling content.

“Tell me more about how I’m your Rose?” she teased.

“Only my Rose would find her way back from a parallel world. Only my Rose would persuade a dictator King to mend his ways, only my Rose would look that hot, in a swimming costume.” Rose let out a surprised giggle at that, although Donna splashed him and yelled, “Oi, Randy, keep it in your trousers while I’m in the room!”

Both the Doctor and Rose splashed Donna, which then turned into a splashing contest that left all of them dripping wet and very content.

A week later the three of them sat watching another amazing spectacle on another beautiful alien planet. Things had started to settle down between Rose and the Doctor. He had come a long way in a week. Sometimes in the middle of an adventure Rose still had to remind him to give her some freedom, but he was being much less clingy in general. It would take time before things felt completely normal again, or maybe it never would. Life with the Doctor was anything but normal anyway. Rose was certain however, that things would be okay between them. They had come through so much together that they both had confidence they could deal with any problems that came their way. As long as they were together, they could deal with anything. After all, they were the stuff of legend. 


End file.
